Trouble is My Business
by RottenAppleofEducation
Summary: This starts with the aftermath of Always but continues on how I would start the new season but it isn't going to stick with the conspiracy long. I am kind of tired of it...there will be a case for the duo to follow as they figure out their relationship and deal with the fallout of the last year.
1. Chapter 1

Trouble is My Business-chapter 1

AN and disclaimer: I haven't been in the mood to write ff in a while. I don't even know how long this will hold my interest, but maybe I will stay inspired for a bit. No, I don't own any rights to Castle or any other show for that matter.

Kate woke when only a hint of daily had cracked the window. Although she could still smell Rick on the sheets, his body heat had dissipated long ago. She listened to get her bearings and realized the soft tapping noise that had brought her to consciousness meant Rick had found inspiration.

She glanced at his bedside clock. 6:35 Am. She smiled realizing her body clock was only off by a few minutes. She stretched her bruised muscles and sat up and ran a hand through her tangled tresses. A shower would be an excellent start. She forced herself to her feet, but instead of heading to his bathroom she stuck her head into his office.

Rick's fingers danced across the keys with swift graceful strokes. She slipped he arms around his neck then down his arms and then leaned down to place her chin on his shoulder. She pushed his collar out of the way to nuzzle her nose against the soft skin of his neck.

"I take it our activities have helped you get over your writer's block?"

He turned his head to place a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"No. You did; your honesty and, if I keep going at this rate, I might be able to meet my deadline." Rick pulled back enough to appreciate her nudity. "However, this view may…"

Kate's lips brushed his. "As much as I love where that thought is going, I think there is a shower in my immediate future and then breakfast."

Disappointment spread across his features before he schooled them and turned back to his work.

"Hey." She said, pulling his chin back up for another kiss. "I don't want to be more of a distraction than I already have been." She paused and lovingly ran a finger down his cheek. "Rick, I know that you meant to finish this months ago. I know that when we block each other out of our lives that your writing stagnates." She kissed him again. "I want you to finish and I want time for us. I am not going anywhere except your shower and your kitchen. Okay?"

He bumped foreheads with her. "I know. I just don't want to mess this up any more than I already have." He said with a sigh.

"I think we can call it even on the mess."

"True. Why don't you go shower and I will figure out breakfast?"

She gave him a shy smile and kissed his forehead before leaving the room. He enjoyed watching her figure disappear into the darkness of his bedroom. As tempting as joining her in the shower was, he knew she was right. They needed to find a balance from the start. They had each decimated some of the most important foundations in their lives for each other and in spite of each other. To make this work would require self-control and a lot of consideration.

He saved his work one last time and went to the kitchen picking up her damp clothing that was left strewn through the living room. He decided to wash her clothing so that she would have something to wear before Alexis came home.

Alexis had adored Kate, but for the last year his daughter had been less likely to see Kate as a possible fixture in their lives. Alexis' defense of Kate's jealousy about Agent Turner may have been the only hint that Alexis still cared for Kate. Their once friendly conversations had turned icy and awkward. In the past month, Rick had noticed Kate avoided speaking to his daughter unless it was necessary even more so than he had done Kate. Waves of anger emanated from his daughter anytime he spoke of Kate at home. Rick shook his head clear. That relationship soured because of his own remarks and assumptions. Kate had little to do with it. He hoped she would see that, but what if she didn't?

He started the wash and meandered to the kitchen. He began removing the ingredients for a veggie omelet from the refrigerator. He washed the vegetables and began to dice them when a knock interrupted his work.

"Coming."

He glanced at his watch as he opened the door. Who would be knocking at 7:15 on a Saturday morning?

"Good morning Mr. Castle, may I come in?"

Rick stood blinking in the doorway. He cautiously stepped back to allow Captain Gates into the loft. After a brief glance at the bags under her eyes and noticing the gravel in her voice, he knew she had been up for a long time. She might not have been home in the last 24 hours.

"This way if you don't mind." He led her to the breakfast bar. "Why don't you have a seat? I am in the middle of preparing breakfast. Coffee?"

Rick knew his attempt at nonchalance was failing, but he refused to be intimidated in his own home and he would be damned if she made him ask why she was there.

Without waiting for a response he pulled three mugs out, poured two of them and placed one in front of her. He sat the cream and sugar bowls in front of her and then went back to slicing his veggies.

Gates watched him a moment and then leaned forward on her elbows looking for answers in her coffee. "How is Beckett? Or maybe I should say do you know where she is? She isn't answering her phone."

He raised an eyebrow. "The battery must have died. But, she's okay. Tired, shaken but I think we're going to be okay."

She nodded. "Then you know where she is?"

Kate's voice came from his office door. "Yes, he does." Kate finished tying the belt on Rick's silk robe. It didn't fit her very well but it smelled like Rick. Her hair had been brushed but she was allowing it to air dry. His eyes met her in an obvious apology and he smiled as he noticed that she didn't look irritated.

He poured her cup of coffee and doctored it to how she liked it while she slid onto a stool across from Gates.

Gates casually assessed her situation. She took a deep breath and sighed. "I am sorry to invade on your morning together, but I am here on official business. After the way you left yesterday I didn't feel it was appropriate to send a detective out to find you."

Kate's features didn't hint at her surprise. She took a sip of her coffee and waited for Gates to continue. She knew Gates wanted an apology for her the outburst in her office, but she didn't believe she could give her on-at least not a real one.

Gates knew her well enough to know that there was far more to yesterday than she knew and letting anger erupt would get her no closer to the answers she needed.

"I suppose I should start with why I was looking for you. At just after midnight a 911 call came in from your building. No one was on the line. The operator could hear shots and then a loud explosion of some kind. When the number was dialed, it was on a cell phone so it had to be triangulated first. By the time we arrived on scene the fire department had already arrived someone else had actually been able to make the 911 call and speak to an operator."

Gates watched Kate fighting with her emotions as she spoke.

"The apartment above yours caught fire and then the gas range in the kitchen caused a small explosion. At first, we thought that was where this originated until the fire department swept floor by floor looking for injured that needed to be helped from the building. The door to your apartment had multiple bullet holes in the door. We found the remains of two individuals in your apartment."

Gates sipped her coffee and fidget with the handle attempting to control her emotions. Although Rick and Kate both knew how tough Gates was; it was apparent that the woman had been afraid that those bodies were theirs. She cleared her throat to continue. "A man and a woman, but searching the pockets of the bodies led us to believe that it was your upstairs neighbors. Dr. Parish noted that the bullet holes in the bodies lined up as if they were shot in your apartment, not theirs. That was about an hour ago. As soon as we knew they weren't you, I decided locating you would be important especially since it had become obvious that your apartment was ground zero."

Gates waited for Kate to say something but realized there wasn't much she could say. For the second time in as many years, her apartment had been destroyed.

Rick placed an omelet in front of each of the women and then brought his own. "Captain, what do you need from us?"

"Mr. Castle, I need the whole truth. I don't need any more of the Cliff's Notes version of the case the two of you have been working on. I want the whole thing explained to me. And, I need Kate to decide whether she is suspended or if she is going to start a new career path. Regardless, this case isn't your anymore."

Kate nodded as she took a bite. "Rick, do you still have your case notes?"

Rick finished chewing his bite and looked up to meet Kate's eyes. "I deleted the files last night, but I can get them out of the backup drive. It won't be copied over yet."

Kate sighed. "I thought I was leaving all this crap behind, but I guess if you let something run your life long enough it kind of takes a life of its own." She poked at the food on her plate trying to make her stomach want to eat. Rick laced his fingers with hers.

"It's your call Kate, what do you want to do?"

She took another bite and chewed slowly. "I think that maybe I am suspended for a week and then taking a much needed vacation. " She cut her eyes over to Gates hoping that her demand for a vacation wouldn't be viewed as insubordination. She wasn't intending it to be.

Gates gave her a half smile. "A vacation could do you some good. When you get back to work I still won't want you on this case."

Kate nodded. "Okay."

After Gates had left, the dishes had been washed and Kate's clothes moved to the dryer, Kate found herself sitting across Rick's lap on the couch.

"Do you think you are still in danger?" He tipped her chin up so that he could see her eyes.

"It's possible." She said shyly. "But, I hope not."

He pulled her in for a kiss. "I thought you had work to do."

He lifted her so that she was straddling him. "I like to call this brainstorming for ideas."

She giggled into his mouth as she was kissing him. She enjoyed the feel of his hands sliding under the robe on her thighs. "When is that deadline again?"

He rubbed their noses together again. "In four days."

She wrapped her hands around his wrists pulling them off of her curves. "How much is there left to write?"

He leaned in for a deep kiss cutting off her question.

"If I didn't know better I would think you are trying to distract me. Answer the question Castle."

He sighed. "Most of the book. The first third is written the second third needs serious rewrites and the end has all those pages I have written this morning."

Kate sits back and looks at him alarmed. "What were you doing in Vegas if you were this far behind?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "You don't really want to go there Beckett."

"Yes, I do. Why did you go off and play when you had so much work to do?"

He sighed. "Because I found out that the love of my life didn't love me back. She had heard me and pretended she didn't. I was joke. I didn't take it well."

He watched her features crumple in realization. "Shit."

She started to pull herself from his lap but he held her tightly. "It's okay now. " He tipped her chin back up and ran a thumb under her eye to wipe away the escaping tear. I made assumptions that I shouldn't have."

"And I didn't say a lot of things that I should have." She bumped her forehead to his.

They sat quietly in the half lit room absorbing the comfort of the connection when Alexis opened the front door. They were so absorbed in each other that they didn't note her arrival. She stood watching and listening. Kate's occasional teary sniffle punctuated the quiet.

"Rick, I love you. I should have said it a thousand times by now, but I love you and I have for a really, really long time."

Rick's hand touched her cheek lightly.

Alexis cleared her throat. "Am I interrupting something?" She expected Kate to be embarrassed and dart off her dad's lap.

Instead Kate sat back where she could see Alexis and offered a weak smile. "Good morning Alexis. Congratulations on graduating."

Alexis didn't appear any friendlier but offered a brief "thanks."

Rick smiled at his daughter and could feel her trepidation. "How was your night?"

Alexis just shrugged. "I don't know. We went out dancing and went to several parties, but I just..." And she sat down quietly across from them.

Kate slipped off to the side of Rick's lap. "I remember feeling kind of lost after graduation. I was tired of being around those people, but I also didn't have a clue what was next. I felt like I was in free fall."

Alexis nodded. "Exactly. Maybe I am just tired. I am going to go take a nap."

"Okay Pumpkin. We'll be here when you feel like talking." He stood up and gave his daughter a hug and a kiss before she went upstairs.

Kate could feel the tension in the girl, but knew that her trust would have to be gained and there was nothing she could say or do that would speed the process.


	2. Chapter 2

Trouble Chapter 2

AN: See disclaimer in chapter 1.

* * *

Kate finished tucking in her shirt and surveyed how she looked. The clothes were fine, hair decent, but she had no makeup with her. She had considered raiding Martha's but decided not to, their skin tone differences alone would have made it a pointless task.

She fluffed her hair a little more and exited the bathroom.

Rick furiously typed. He had become so absorbed in what he was doing that she was sure she could still be nude and he wouldn't have noticed the difference. She leaned over and kissed his temple.

"I am meeting Ryan at my apartment. Gates gave them permission to allow me to gather some clothes which I will spend the rest of the day washing if it's okay with you."

He caressed her face with his fingers. "Are you sure you don't want me to come along?"

She shook her head no. "I doubt that I'm even going to be allowed in the apartment for safety reasons, but I can give the firemen directions on what to get. It's just easier to do on site than it'd be from here over a phone."

Rick reluctantly agreed. "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know, but I'll pick up dinner on the way. Text me when Alexis comes down and let me know what she wants to eat. It should be her choice tonight."

"Call if you need me?"

She ruffled his hair and kissed him. She hoped his inspiration wouldn't dissipate without her present.

* * *

Ryan greeted her on the sidewalk. "Thanks for coming down."

"Don't mention it. Anyway, I need clothes."

He nodded. "Look, about the other day-"

"Save it Ryan. I'm alive because of your decision. I might not like that you went behind my back, but I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I'm sorry for putting you in that position. I shouldn't have."

He patted her on the shoulder. "Let's go." He pointed toward the door where a fireman was waiting in his gear without his coat.

He offered a massive gloved hand for a shake. "Your Captain has requested I assist you with getting some of your things. Normally we wouldn't do this, but all things considered you coming up with me will work out easier than you giving me instructions. Please keep in mind that everyone seems to think your apartment might be the primary crime scene because of the bodies, but the explosion came from above you."

Beckett nodded, paling at the idea of entering the waterlogged building. She followed behind and let him assist her on the stairs for stability. The acrid smell of burnt plastic and carpet filled the air. A deep inhale caused her to choke a little. It wasn't until she entered what had been her apartment that the reality of the situation hit home. As she stepped over the remains of her door she noticed that Buddha had gained several bullet holes over the past 24 hours.

"Remember not to touch anything. You being in here breaks more rules than I want to think about."

Beckett cleared her throat. "This isn't my first crime scene but I appreciate the reminder." She tiptoed through where the bodies had been found only to stop in front of her blackened couch. It was leaning on the wall like a kickstand. The shutters that had worked as her murder board had been removed from the wall.

"Do you know what happened to my shutters?" She asked pointing toward the empty window.

"Ma'am, I am the one who fought the fire from in here. I never saw any shutters. Sorry, about your couch. I had to use it to prop up that wall. Most of your furniture didn't survive I am afraid.'

Beckett wiped a few tears away knowing that this apartment had never morphed into a home. It had only been a place she stayed. Unlike her old apartment, there had been a lot of memories of her time spent with Castle eating or talking over a case. He had never felt welcome in this one. The worst of their fights were here. She stood overlooking the spot where she broke his heart and he broke hers in response.

"Ma'am?"

Beckett refocused and followed him down the hall to her bedroom. She pulled her luggage out of the storage closet and was thankful it was waterproof as everything else dripped. She tossed it on the bed open and began packing from the chest of drawers. She retrieved as much as she could fit into two suitcases. Her coats and dresses would be going to the cleaners, but her shoes, jeans, blouses and shirts would be headed to Castle's washer. She stopped at the foot of the bed to retrieve her phone charger and noticed a book on the floor. _Naked Heat_'s pages spilled onto the floor. The glue in the spine couldn't withstand the puddle in which it had been immersed. Kate's efforts to control her tears collapsed with the book. So little of her things would be salvaged; last year's bombing had destroyed much of her childhood belongings. Deep inside she knew that none of these things mattered, but Kate hated losing the few remaining photographs of her family she had. Life wanted her to get on with her life and leave her past behind far more than she did. She wanted a future with a connection to her past. It didn't look like that would be happening.

"I think this will do for now. Could you carry one?"

The fireman zipped up the heavier case with the coats and the dresses and hefted it toward the door. She followed, stumbling from the bulk and weight.

"My laptop and some files should've been on the couch. Did you see them?"

"No ma'am. There wasn't a computer here granted the ceiling was on fire when I entered. But the couch was empty except for a photograph that I gave the police."

"What was in the photograph?"

"You were sitting in the rain on a swing. No offense, but you looked defeated."

Beckett prevented the worry from showing on her face, but she knew when that photograph had to have been taken. She had been followed. Does that mean they know where she went? Why kill her neighbors if she wasn't home?

She stepped out of the building into the bright afternoon.

"Beckett drop that thought now. It isn't your case." She nodded.

"Yeah, but whoever is needs to know a couple of things. My laptop and my mother's case file are missing unless you have already taken possession of it. My murder board that was on the shutters behind the couch has been removed too. In fact, the shutters are gone. And from what I hear about the photograph found, they knew I wasn't here so this doesn't make any sense."

Ryan's eyes widened. "What photograph?"

"The fireman said he found a photograph of me that had to have been taken yesterday right after I left the precinct. I sat on a swing in a park to think." She looked around trying to find the fireman again. All she saw was her luggage leaning against a light pole.

"Beckett, it rained when you left?" He gave her a confused look.

She nodded. "I didn't say that I was in the best state of mind at the time. I needed to reconnect with him so I went to where I had shared the most." It had come out in a low mumble. She didn't have to say who he was. Ryan understood completely.

"It would have been smarter to just go to the loft." He said giving her light tap to the back of the head.

She smirked at him. "That was my second stop. I probably should have come home and changed first, but I couldn't face taking my murder board down. I needed to fix my mistake first."

"It may have saved your life." He offered steering her toward a coffee shop.

"They have been at least two steps ahead of me this whole time. I doubt that made any difference. There is no way they didn't know where I went after the park. Why leave me sitting in the rain?"

They ordered and sat down. Both of Beckett's bags were stacked next to the table making them look like tourists on the way to the airport.

"Have you called Espo yet?" Beckett inquired.

"He doesn't answer. He won't even text back." Ryan played with the label on his cup avoiding her stare.

"I need to call Lanie today; I'll see if she's heard anything." She offered.

"Woah. You haven't spoken to Lanie yet?" Beckett shook her head.

"She's going to kill me. But, I have a good excuse when I arrived at Castle's I wasn't worried about my phone. I didn't realize the battery was dead until after Gates dropped in and at that point I put it on the charger and discovered that the rain had destroyed the screen. I should have my replacement when I get back to the loft." Her sheepish facial expression gave away that she knew Lanie would only partially accept her story.

"Okay, so whose phone is that?"

Beckett rolled her eyes at him.

"Santa Claus. Who do you think?" Beckett's patented get real look flashed over the table.

"It isn't like he doesn't have Lanie's number." Ryan pointed out, lifting his eyebrows and sliding the phone over to her.

A little devil grin spread across her features as she composed a text.

"Do you think I should tell her it's me or pretend to be Castle?"

_**Lanie Kate and I worked out our differences repeatedly last night. You should call Espo and do the same. I am sure he needs the comfort that only can provide. **_

She showed Ryan the text and pressed send.

"For the record, TMI." He turned red and laughed.

"Like you hadn't already figured that out." She shook her head and ruffled his hair. The phone vibrated with a text.

_**My girl is going to kill you when she's this text. Bout time you two saw the light.**_

Kate laughed as she read it to Ryan.

_**Too true, but this isn't really Castle. KB. How's Espo?**_

Their conversation ground to a halt waiting on a response. Beckett held Ryan's hand trying to comfort him. She understood why he had made his decision, but she hated the men she considered brothers to be mad at one another. This rift could create too many excuses to tear her team apartment permanently.

_**Not good. When I called the tequila was talking louder than he was. I left him this morning talking to the porcelain gods. Call the man tonight. He should be okay by dark. I took his keys so he can't go anywhere.**_

Beckett spun the phone around so Ryan could read it.

"I can't apologize for this. I did the right thing." Ryan said hand down his neck.

"Yes, but your partner is hurting because you were right. He's used to being the big brother. He messed up—that's hard to face sometimes." She let out a deep breath. "God Ryan, 2 days ago Rick told me he loved me and then asked me to quit chasing the professional killers because they would win." She took another sip of her coffee. "I told him my mom's death meant more to me than he did. That's why he wasn't on that rooftop. So don't go kicking yourself for being right. I caused this train wreck. I own it. Someone should spray paint KB was here on the side of it." The weariness showed on her face. "The good news is that if they really love you, admitting the mistake isn't so hard. I owe him so much more than you will ever know for what I have put him through for a year."

Ryan smirked at her. "So we are going to pretend that Josh didn't cause problems?"

"Okay make it two." She said with a laugh. "I'm learning to share the important things with the people who matter. I just need you guys to call me on it when I don't."

* * *

Beckett let the doorman open the door to the loft for her. She isn't used to letting people help, but she had to admit it was nice having someone else carry the luggage. It was even nicer that their take out from Remy's was waiting at the front desk. It required two people to carry everything upstairs.

Alexis sat at the breakfast bar waiting.

"Hey Lex."

Kate dropped the phone and the keys on the breakfast bar and placed their take out in front of Alexis. She then went back to the door to bring her luggage to the laundry room.

Alexis' eyes nearly bugged out as she witnessed Beckett moving in after only one night with her dad. Before she could make a complaint about the speed of their progress a foul odor rolled past.

Alexis' nose crinkled. "What is that smell?"

"Castle didn't tell you?" Kate looked at the girl stunned. "I'm homeless again as the apartment above mine blew up last night. I'll do my best to find a new place soon since I don't have to work for the next two weeks."

Kate watched the relief roll over Alexis. She hated to admit it, but Alexis' disapproval bothered her more than she thought it would.

"Is he still writing?" Kate asked as she realized there was no noise coming from his office.

"He said he had to run an errand something about returning edits." Alexis replied. "We should probably eat while it's still warm. Dad could be gone for quite some time."

Kate agreed and went to wash her hands and grab some plates. They arranged their orders on their plates and Kate sat down across from Alexis.

"I don't want this to be hard for you. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I don't want you to feel out of place here."

Alexis eyed her suspiciously. "I guess what I should do first is ask, what is different between you and dad today than before-other than sex."

Kate sat taken aback by her bluntness, but the girl had a point. "I'm finally willing to admit that a life with him is more important to me than anything else. I don't expect you to understand. It has taken me nearly a year of therapy to get this far. I knew how I felt about him for a long time. I didn't know if I could trust him—page 6 doesn't tell the whole truth—but there's enough truth that I knew his relationship with Gina was doomed from their reports, not from him. I wanted to believe he changed, but then when I knew he had I was too broken to do anything about it. Did you really want your dad to put me back together again after I got shot? Would it be fair for me to break up with another man to hide in his arms to recover? I don't think I would be here today I'd done that. Our relationship would have died before it got started."

"You're healed now? I mean your better?" Alexis asked.

"I'm well enough to start a relationship, but it won't be easy. I've never been an open person. This conversation is hard for me, but I'm trying to change that."

Alexis allowed smile to play across her lips. "Do me a favor; try not to have any more conversations about dad's sex life in front of me. That whole Agent Turner thing was just too much."

Kate smirked. "Yes. You're right. You shouldn't have had to hear that. And, sorry about this morning. I'm sure that was more than you needed to see."

Alexis reddened. "Actually you can't hold a candle to things I've seen Gram do. I wasn't thrilled to see you in his lap, but at least I didn't catch you in the act. When I arrived you weren't headed in that direction at all. I feel like I missed most of that."

Kate nodded. "Do you need me to stay in the guest room or…?"

Alexis cut her off. "I'm a big girl. I know what adults do behind closed doors. Just make sure you actually close the door. Again, a rule Grams forgets frequently."

"Eww."

"You have no idea." Alexis said giggling as Kate choked on French fry.


	3. Chapter 3

Trouble Chapter 3

AN: I'm attempting to get a few more chapters written before Sunday as we will be going on vacation at that point. Sorry, but at least I am forewarning you ahead of time.

The first few days of suspension flew past with Kate experimenting on how to remove the stench from her clothing and hoping the dry cleaner could salvage her lovely coats. Although she had contacted Lanie, she wasn't prepared to deal with her in person just yet. A certain amount of the Kate façade needed to be functional for that conversation. Hiding away in the loft with Castle allowed her the time to feel. Emotionally she felt battered by the storm that was her life. She couldn't find solace within her books or the scrapbooks of her life that her mother had lovingly created when she left for college. She would never consider herself to be a materialistic person, but yet here she sat staring out a window trying to define Katherine Beckett. Being Detective Beckett wasn't enough any longer, nor was being the daughter that was left behind. Her fledgling relationship with Rick though comforting, she couldn't let being his girlfriend rule her either. The media will eventually cast her as the money hungry girlfriend; it was moments like this when she relied on him for a place to stay that she wondered if possibly she had been mooching off him in minute ways for years. Kate rubbed her eyes and looked down at her hands confused to find tears.

"It isn't getting easier is it?" Alexis asked from behind her.

"What?" Kate asked not sure what Alexis meant.

"You're trying to put it behind you, but it was everything you were for so long. Now you find yourself in my position; saying 'now what?'"

Kate grinned at her. "I suppose that is true. It's not the same as leaving for college, but it is that big black hole feeling. I haven't figured out where to go from here. I just need to decide what to be."

Alexis shook her head. "Right. And all I need to do is wait until school starts to get used to the idea that I'm no longer the top of the class. Get real."

The dryer buzzed loudly from across the apartment.

"Saved from a hopeless conversation loop." Kate said laughing as she went to deal with her clothes.

Alexis trailed behind her. "I was wondering, while dad is meeting with Gina today about rewrites, would you like help with apartment hunting?"

Kate stood up from loading the laundry basket and tried to get a read on Alexis' face. Was her being in the loft making her that uncomfortable or was she being helpful?

"Today I was mainly going to spend some quality time with the want ads and making phone calls about the properties. You can help if you want, but this isn't the fun part."

"Yeah. Okay. I think I'll see if Paige wants to go do something then and leave you to it." Alexis sauntered off toward her room leaving Kate just as puzzled by her behavior as before.

She knew that Alexis' had come to terms with her being with her dad, but trust didn't grow back overnight no matter how much you wish it would. She sniffed her clothing again. Six washes and untold amounts of detergent and she found herself shaking her head. Lanie's suggestion of baking soda seemed to have done what even the detergent recommended by her insurance company couldn't. She took another deep breath trying to detect any smoky odor, but smiled when nothing caustic tickled her nose.

The smaller hurdle had successfully been jumped, so she grabbed the times and a highlighter from Rick's desk.

Two hours later and Kate dropped the highlighter in frustration. Everything was either out of her price range or too far from work. The quietness of the loft grated on her nerves. She had tried using a television to distract but the news kept interrupting to discuss the mysterious death of a former police Captain Smith. She almost flipped it back off when a wedding photograph of Roy Montgomery and his groomsmen filled the screen. Kate's knees gave way as she turned the volume up.

_**The growing mystery surrounding the death of Captain Smith is leaving investigators with more questions than answers. The retired policeman had created his own private investigation business that assisted various agencies and corporations in the state of New York. Although links to Congressman Brinkman's office have been alluded to, no official statement has been made. Smith's body was discovered early this morning when one of his partners visited his house after being unable to contact him for a prolonged period. Foul play is suspected but at this time the police department is unwilling to confirm or deny. More at 10pm.**_

* * *

Kate found herself an hour later still staring out the window watching darkness descend over the city. Rick rescued from the puzzle her brain refused to let go of by snaking his arms around her from behind.

"I take it you watched the news?" he asked nuzzling her ear.

She nodded. "I wasn't having any luck with the paper. I'd hoped for a distraction and instead the case that won't die reared."

"Gates will get it handled. I already called her to let her know that I'm pretty sure he was my contact. I can't be 100% sure but I asked her to look into it anyway." Rick spun her around to face him and pulled her in for a slow kiss.

"How's Gina?"

He rolled his eyes in response. "She's sending my next work load over tomorrow night. I'm all yours until then so I was thinking a night out might be what you need. What do you say?"

"Define night out." She says snuggling deeper into his chest.

"I was thinking dinner wherever you wished followed by a John Carpenter double feature at the Angelica."

"I say Chinese and which films?"

Castle grinned. "Two of his best Assault on Precinct 13 and The Thing."

* * *

Several hours later Castle couldn't believe his good fortune that he and Kate had a whole evening without phone calls, texts or any other interruptions. He could get used to this. They left the theatre wrapped in each other's arms. Castle's car service picked them up without wait. For him, it was close to the perfect evening.

While leaning against him in the backseat Kate noticed the driver's eyes kept wandering from mirror to mirror

"Is there something wrong?" her instincts telling her that something was off.

"Nothing to worry about. We're being tailed probably by a paparazzo. I'll lose them." He responded.

Rick groaned. "I get tired of the cat and mouse games. I'm sorry Kate."

"Rick, this is part of the package. When I chose you, I knew it was part of it." She squeezed his hand in assurance.

After thirty minutes the driver pulled up in front of the loft. "I think I managed to put enough distance between us and the car to get you in the building without harassment."

The driver came around to open the door and the couple slipped out quickly. Just as the doorman opened the exterior door, Kate heard an all too familiar sound that caused her to take Castle to the ground with her to seek cover.

The glass door spider webbed behind their heads as the doorman pressed the silent alarm that also locked the doors.

"Kate, are you hurt?" He asked examining her carefully. Kate's PTSD wasn't manifesting, if he was seeing anything it was her irritation at knowing she would not be allowed to begin the investigation of the crime scene.

"No, I'm not. I don't think anyone is." She said sliding from behind the counter and easing back toward the front door. After a cursory glance at the surrounding, she determined that wherever the sniper had been lurking, he wasn't there now.

"What are you doing?"

"Castle, they only fired one shot. If they had wanted us dead, we would be." She stood up to get a better look at the broken glass. "Rick. Come over here."

Rick stood up and cautiously moved over to where she was.

"Do you have a pen?" she asked sticking a hand in his jacket's inside pocket.

"I could've gotten it for you."

She gave him a playful jab as she pulled out a pen. "True, but then I wouldn't have had an excuse to invade your space."

"That's never stopped me before." He leaned in and rubbed noses with her.

She rolled her eyes at him and poked at the blackened center of the glass.

"What are you doing?"

"Castle, I'm trying to get a better look at this round. The sniper would know that this bullet would penetrate the glass without destroying the pane. If you notice where it hit, the door was almost shut before the trigger was pulled. This wasn't an attempt on anyone's life. This is a message."

"If it's all the same to you, I would rather we backed away from the glass just in case he changes his mind." He pulled her away by the elbow to what he considered a safe distance.

Beckett's mind spun over the possible scenarios trying to decipher what kind of message this could be knowing that she would be cut out of any discussion at the precinct, but it was her life they were after. Or was it? She turned to observe Rick while he spoke with the doorman. Rick's secret activities over the past year had moved him on to the killer's radar as well.

* * *

The rest of the evening crawled past. Castle enjoyed retelling his view point multiple times whereas Beckett found it demeaning. She knew what happened; it wasn't like repeating it to 14 different people would change the events. She squeezed the bridge of her nose trying to get her headache to back off. They stepped off the elevator onto his floor. Rick unlocked the door and stepped inside to flip the light switch. A loud groan escaped his lips just as Beckett head a distinctively large thud.

"Ouch. What the hell." Castle picked up the offending item. His face clouded over as he handed it to Beckett.

"That was quite the Wile E. Coyote impersonation you have Castle." Her laughter cut off quickly when she realized that the glossy photograph of the two of them cuddling in darkened theatre.

"I think it's going to bruise. Will you kiss it and make it better?" He rubbed his butt as he closed the door and hobbled toward the liquor cabinet.

"I'm not kissing your hairy ass Rick. Can I have a double? I'll call the station about the photograph tomorrow."

Rick poured the amber liquid for her and made another for himself. He threw it back and poured a second. He creased his brows in concentration. "If I remember correctly, you didn't seem to mind the hairiness last night or the night before that or even the night before that when I think you actually did kiss it among other things."

Kate blushed at the vivid memory. "Old man, I think your memory is playing tricks on you. I don't have any such recollection."

An impish grin spread across his face as he took her empty glass. "I think I would rather try a re-enactment rather than try to describe the event." He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

Trouble Chapter 4

AN: I hope to get one more chapter up before I head off for vacation, but I'm not making promises. If my mother-in-law misbehaves I will head to our room and write in peace and quiet which will get uploaded Wednesday at the earliest being that the in-law doesn't have internet service. (Yes, those people still exist. I know, right!) My parents on the other hand, who we will be visiting by late Tuesday, have awesome service. Thank God for my big brother. He made sure that they have a decent bandwidth.

* * *

When we last left our favorite couple, they had received several messages that could be rather nerve racking if you weren't Beckett…

"Could you stop with the pacing?" Rick grumbled from inside his office.

"I'm not pacing; I'm meandering." Kate chewed on her thumbnail and flopped back on to the couch. Apartment hunting had ground to a halt; she couldn't believe she let Rick contact his 'guy' for help. She growled, "I can't just sit any longer." She stomped off to his bedroom and ripped her shirt off over her head. Seconds later her jeans were on the floor beside it.

"Not that I'm complaining about the view, but what are you doing?" A naked Beckett was normally a good thing; an angry naked Beckett was a thing to be respected, maybe feared.

She pulled a coolmax shirt and shorts on and began looking for a clean pair of socks.

She gave him her best 'oh give me a break looks' and muttered "I was thinking of doing some origami. I'll be out for a while. When my leg muscles give out and my lungs don't function well anymore, I'll be back."

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I could help you burn off some of that nervous energy. I'm also great at folding paper if you do actually get interested in origami."

She finished tying her shoe, stood up and slapped his butt on the way toward the door.

'I'll take you up on that later. You have a book to finish corrections and I can't expect you to distract me every time I get bored."

He watched her swaying her hips a little tauntingly as she went out the door. Rick blew out a deep breath. He knew she was right, but that didn't change how impotent he felt in the wake of her outburst. She had to find her own way; unlike Alexis, his suggestions weren't helpful to her. He could list a thousand and one things to do if you had money and time. Kate didn't want the playground experience. She wanted a life. Disgusted with his own uselessness, he opened another beer and went back to work. The sooner he finished, the quicker he could devote all of his time to her. He hoped he could make her happy, but his doubts were quickly manifesting.

* * *

Kate lost herself in the constant hum of traffic as she ran through the few blocks to the Central Park. Once in the park she stretched in the grass for a few moments using her vantage point to search her surroundings for anyone that could be watching. She stretched her hamstrings one last time, and launched into a grueling pace. On any normal day she ran to maintain fitness for her job, today she ran from her inner demons. Why were they reminding her that they knew where she was? She understood that they could get to her anytime they wanted. So, why hadn't they done it? She had told Rick she would call the precinct about their photograph, but had avoided it to this point. It wasn't a clue that would lead anywhere. It didn't add any information to the pile. The other side were playing head games with her, not the precinct. Why bother? And more importantly, why allow them to draw her back into the investigation? The only way she could have a life is to run from the case, but here she was nearly 35 and her whole life had been devoted to something that would never be.

A steady mist phased into a drizzle which Kate ignored until the drops the size of lollipops rained down. The cool water cleared her head in ways that the exercise hadn't. She stopped to breathe underneath one of the park bridges that went over her path. She wiped the rivulets away from her eyes and then twisted part of her shirt squeezing the excess from it.

"You never give up do you?"

Kate spun around to face a voice she recognized. "Mr. Maddox."

He slowly stepped toward her but kept his hands out to the side in what had to be an act of contrition.

"I understand you are not able to work right now and that this case is irrevocably closed to you."

She nodded in acknowledgment. "I think it's time I let it go. You were right; you know exactly who you're dealing with—I'm out of my depth." Although she tried to keep the steel in her voice, the weakness rang in her ears. She hated it.

"Why don't we say that you have found something that's worth living for and this case is cross purposes to that? Keep that in mind Detective Beckett. I hope we don't have to meet again, because if we do there will be at least two filled caskets yours and his." With that parting thought, he opened his umbrella and disappeared into the park.

She waited for the rain to slack and for her vision to clear. She wiped at her face trying to convince her pride that the moisture on her face was just rain dripping from her hair. She wouldn't shed tears over this anymore.

* * *

She opened the door to the loft. Rick's keys sporadically made noise, but she couldn't hear anything else. She grabbed water from the refrigerator and took a long drag from it. She glanced up the stairs and strained her ears trying to hear Lex, but they were non-existent.

Kate slipped her wet shoes and socks off and sat in them in the laundry room to dry. She went back to the kitchen for another sip. Paper continued to rustle in Rick's office, but he hadn't noticed her return or he was trying to give her space. She wasn't sure. After another sip, then decided space was overrated.

She walked through the office toward the bedroom pulling her shirt off as she stepped in front of the desk. "I had a great run. I'm tired and heading for the shower." She tossed her wet shirt at him. "I could use some help washing my back. Do you know anyone who could help with that?"

* * *

Kate was using Rick's butt for her pillow as she drew little patterns across his back with her finger nails.

"Curling!" He said with a laugh. "See I told you the mouse Olympics is a fun game."

She slapped his butt. "I can't believe you got 5 out of 5 on that. I understand how you guessed figure skating, gymnastics and even the luge, but how did you get curling from that?"

He lifted up on an elbow to look her in the eyes. "I just know how you think. Your turn. Lie on your stomach and let's see if you can guess what the mice are doing."

They traded places, but she stilled his hands before he had started. "I have a confession to make."

Rick's heart fell. This was it. The dream died. Kate, his Kate, couldn't take sitting here with him no matter how much he loved every moment of it. He sat up and turned away from her so she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes.

"I didn't call the station about the photograph. It just seemed pointless. I know a mind fuck when I see one. It wasn't a lead, just someone playing with my head or yours. I should've told you this the next morning, but I couldn't take that path. If I do I'll want to get involved and we'll be back to where we were a week ago."

She sighed and then noticed how still and quiet he had become. "Rick. I don't want to go back to where we were. I need you more than I need an answer to this." She pulled on his arm so he would look at her. The evidence of blind panic on his face spoke volumes. "Rick, did you hear anything I said."

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." A single tear spilled. Kate caught it with her lips.

"That wasn't what you thought I was going to say, was it?"

She pulled him down next to her. He buried his face in her hair letting her scent wash away the strain. She tipped his chin up. "I'm not going anywhere except to my apartment when I find one, but you will have a key to it and your very own toothbrush."

He kissed her. "I take it you didn't like having to share toothbrushes that first night."

"No, I didn't." She scrunched her nose at him. "Do you like chew on the bristles? Why do they look like they have been fanned out?" They both laughed at her mild outrage over the care of a toothbrush. "Since, I have your undivided attention. I need to tell you something else. I ran into Cole Maddox at the park today. He implied that for the moment the deal stands. As long as I stay off the case, they leave us alone—but he was specific—it's us, not me. You're in as much danger as I am. So, no secrets, no investigating. We're done. Okay?"

He kissed down her jaw to her collarbone. "Am I allowed to do this kind of investigating?" His hands began to wander over her body causing chill bumps to erupt.

She moaned her response. "I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope this means you're up for round two?"


	5. Chapter 5

Trouble Chapter 5

AN: Like I said before, this probably the last chapter for at least a few days…maybe longer. Please forgive me; this is the time of year where we have to travel to visit our parents.

No, I still don't own Castle or any other television show or character…

* * *

Kate came in the door and dropped her keys in the tray near the door. She would've laughed if someone had suggested that living with Castle would be comfortable. But, after ten days the idea of leaving grew increasingly difficult to think about.

Alexis sat on the couch flipping through stations looking for something to watch.

"I thought you were in the Hamptons?" Kate said, pleasantly surprised at the company. She kicked her boots by the front door.

"Gram's in lust with a much younger man, most of my friends went to Europe for the summer, I needed more to do and I was wondering when you and dad were going to make an appearance." Alexis gave up on finding anything to watch. She hit the off button and tossed the remote as if it had offended her.

"I can't apartment hunt in the Hamptons. The commute would be ridiculous. Your dad keeps having publicity planning meetings which is where he is right now. Paula insisted I was too distracting so I'm not welcome at them anymore."

Alexis rolled her eyes at the comment about Paula. "You made the mistake of having an opinion. Even dad isn't supposed to have one, but she finds getting him to agree to something without a discussion is less desirable than an argument where he doesn't have back up."

Kate pursed her lips in response. "That's the impression I received, but I kept that thought to myself. I now know why he continuously texts me when he has to suffer through those meetings." Kate stretched and yawned.

Alexis studied Kate as she lay back with her eyes closed next to her on the couch. She was amazed at how relaxed Kate appeared. When she had left for the Hamptons Kate seemed about to combust. "How's the great search going?"

Kate groaned. "Awful. I have had two fabulous apartments in this city. I know they exist, but what I've been looking at is either out of my price range, an eye sore, or unfeasible for work. I'm going to keep looking but even Rick's guy seems to be having trouble with what I want. If you want to see late 70s or early 80s original kitchen and bath included, now is the time to be apartment hunting. Have I mentioned how much I hate Olive green for wall paint or neon accenting?"

Alexis' laughter caught her off guard. "You know you can be as picky as you like; dad loves having you here."

"Yes, but there are other people that I have to consider, you are one of them." Kate said playfully poking Alexis' leg. I need a Coke. Do you want one?"

Kate knew Alexis regretted how callous she had been at the beginning of her stay, but the longer she was here the more that was changing. She knew Paige was in the Hamptons with her family as well as a few of her other friends. The fact that Alexis chose to be here meant either something was seriously off in the Hamptons or she wanted to spend more time with her. But which was it? She hoped Alexis would loosen up and share the way she used to with her. There was a time when Alexis would call for 'girl advice,' but since her shooting Alexis had steadily pulled away.

Kate opened the refrigerator to get the Cokes, when a second thought crossed her mind. "When was the last time you had a Coke float?" They used to go to the diner and have Coke floats for their long talks.

A pleased hum came from the couch.

"I'll take it this isn't a bad idea."

"Not at all, I would love one."

Kate searched out the vanilla ice cream and the deepest sundae glasses in the house. In seconds she had two Coke floats complete with whipping cream and a Maraschino cherry on top.

After building the floats Kate searched for the extra-long spoons and straws. Kate found them just in time for Alexis to join her at the breakfast bar.

Kate plucked her cherry off the top and popped it into her mouth enjoying the silly little touches that make things like Coke floats into something special.

Alexis took a deep drag from hers and sat contemplating her fingernails. "I've missed this. I mean our girl time." She said quietly hoping that Kate felt the same.

Her hand slid over the countertop to intertwine fingers with Alexis. "I have too. I'm sorry I didn't call you and invite you out especially after you started working with Lanie. I don't have a good excuse. I haven't spent time with much of anyone other than my therapist for the past year."

"I know. She told me recently. She said the first girl time the two of you had was when the stewardess appeared at a crime scene."

Kate visibly flinched. She nodded. "I needed advice on why your dad had pulled away and then he blindsided me with her. I thought I had lost everything I'd worked toward for a year." She rubbed her temples and put her face in her hands. "God what a mess I created." She sighed and put her hands back on the bar.

The girl understood that sinking feeling too well. "Paige is dating Ashley."

Kate started coughing. "Damn. Down the windpipe." She continued to try to clear her throat and held onto Lex's hand. "I bet that hurts."

"Yeah, it does. I thought I was over it. I broke up with him after all, but I don't like seeing my best friend with him."

Kate squeezed her hand conveying her sympathy. "Not that it helps, but I didn't like seeing your dad with anyone else either. The only difference here is that your dad always does what he thinks is best for me, does Ashley try to put you first ever?"

Alexis spooned a bite out of the bottom of her glass and sucked on the ice cream covered spoon. "No, I don't think he ever did. I always made concessions for him. I don't want to be like that."

A wry smile spread over Kate's face. "I think I may be the last person that should be giving you relationship advice, but you need to find someone that balances you out. Your dad is able to make me let go of my need for revenge over my mother's death to want to have a life, be a wife and a mother. He makes me want to slow down and enjoy the life I have and quit wishing to change things that no matter what I do won't change. My mother isn't coming back. I can't get the last 12 years back. I wasted them. Find someone who makes you feel alive and don't let go."

Alexis pulled her away from Kate. She stood up and moved to put their empty glasses in the dishwasher. Beckett worried that she had said too much or overstepped her bounds. She sat lost in thought when she felt Alexis arms wrap around her shoulders. She placed her own hands on top of Alexis to give her a return squeeze. When she finally let go, Lex pulled her by the hand toward the couch.

"Movie?"

Kate agreed. "Pick something as long as it isn't a conspiracy movie, I'll enjoy it."

Long after the sun had set, Rick returned to the loft baring pizza to find his two favorite girls curled up together asleep in front of the TV. He gave Kate a quick kiss to rouse her.

"Did prince charming come with pizza?"

"I don't feel all that charming at the moment but the pizza is real."

* * *

Kate enjoyed his silky robe against her bare skin. She sat in their bed reading the final draft before he gave it to Gina tomorrow while Rick painted her toe nails a vibrant red. He blew on her toes to speed the drying.

"That tickles." She wiggled her toes and flipped the page. "Rick, this book is rather personal. Are you sure the whole world needs to know that you had a wild weekend in Vegas trying to forget me?"

He closed the lid to the nail polish and sat in on the side table and then rolled over placing his head on to her chest. "Only the smart ones and our friends will know that everything else is almost purely fiction."

"Right. So that description of them making love on his desk when they left butt prints on his desk blotter didn't seem familiar to you? Or how much Nikki completely loses all ability to concentrate when Rook kisses down her spine—again doesn't feel close to reality to you?"

He looked up at her trying to decipher if she was angry or teasing. "I can change it if you want me to…I just thought that it fit the situation and if you remember correctly the butt prints were on the coffee table."

She lovingly ruffled his hair. "No, I think it's perfect but I would appreciate it if our life didn't make it to the page EVER. I don't want to share us with the world."

"I don't either."

* * *

"Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle, welcome back. Captain Gates is expecting you in her office first thing." The older officer at the desk looked genuinely glad to see them.

As they stepped on the elevator she watched the officer wave at them like they were long lost friends. Then, she noticed they had been holding hands the whole time. It felt natural she had been touching him in so form or fashion most of the time that she had been with him. She had been focused on making sure that Castle stayed reasonable that it didn't occur to her that her own hands would give the away.

She sighed and shook her head in disbelief at the shift in her view. The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous not holding his hand seemed. She gave him a quick kiss before the elevator doors opened onto the homicide floor. They stepped off as a unit waving and greeting like they had only been gone for a vacation and that a suspension hadn't been part of it at all.

Esposito nodded at her from his desk waving his pen-in hand at her as he continued taking notes from a phone call. Ryan stepped out of the break room walking the opposite direction.

"Hey, Ryan." She called from behind him.

He spun on his heel. He hadn't seen her since the one conversation. He knew she wasn't angry, but it didn't mean that they were still tight. She stepped forward to give him a heartfelt embrace.

Beckett took a step back from Ryan. "It's good to see you. Do you think the four of us can do lunch if we're all here at noon?"

Ryan shrugged. "You'll have to ask Espo. He hasn't been speaking to me unless it has to do with a case."

Castle spoke up. "We'll take care of that. Thanks for thinking with your head."

"Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle, Can I see you in my office?" Gates asked from across the bullpen.

The noise in the pen resumed after the door closed.

Gates stood in front of her desk giving them a stern look. She sat down with a look of extreme fury.

"I'm glad to see both of you look like you're doing well. I need you to act like I'm taking your heads off. Then, I want you to go to your desk and get to work on evaluating a case that came over from the 8th. They have taken over your case from us so that you won't be involved. Half of the murders happened in their jurisdiction so that decision was easy. In exchange we are picking up on a string of murders that have similarities but may be unrelated. I would like the two of you to read over the case notes and try to determine if it is one killer or if the similarities are just coincidental. The detectives at the 8th have left their cell numbers in case you have questions. Dr. Parish has been brought up to speed. I expect the two of you to be on your best behavior."

"Yes Captain." They both said.

Before leaving, Beckett turned and said. "Thank you Captain. I appreciate what you've done for me."

"We take care of our own detective. Don't make me regret it. That goes for you to Mr. Castle."

Castle thought about adding on to Beckett's sentiments but then thought better of it. He and Gates relationship hinged upon his silence. He could be silent if he could have Beckett, not a bad trade.

They took their box of case files Gates had delivered to the conference room to get to work. They watched Esposito leave with Detective Smith and Ryan spent most of the morning watching video logs.

Beckett opened the first case file and closely examined the photographs. Castle opened the second file for and pulled out the photographs. The bodies were arranged very similarly, but the cause of death was different. Leaving the files open, each grabbed another file and had the same results. The manner of death change but the body was always posed as if they were reading the newspaper.

"What do you think?"

Castle shook his head. "I find it strange that a serial killer would have no pattern on who they killed or how they killed them, but always arrange them with a newspaper. It's definitely what's happening, but I think the why of the staging may be more important than anything."

Beckett agreed. "However I think we need to compare the cases in a more in depth fashion. I think it's likely that we can find more of a pattern if we look deeper."

"How old is that first case?" He asked.

"This one was January 10th. The second one was February 10th."

They gave each other a knowing look and rolled their eyes. "I think the pattern may be a little obvious."

Ryan knocked on the door behind them. "So are we still on for lunch?"

Beckett glanced at her father's watch. It was hard to believe half their day was gone and they had so little to show for it. "Lunch would be great."


	6. Chapter 6

Trouble Chapter 6

AN: This is being written sitting at my mother-in-law's kitchen table while my twin 6 year old girls are singing to themselves and painting with watercolors-Definitely an awesome family evening. I apologize in advance for any mistakes created by the fact that I am being entertained as I write. All mistakes are owned by me and none of this work is created by anyone in association with the show.

Burgers and fries from Remy's should be a happy experience, but lunch without Espo felt wrong. The three struggled to maintain a conversation once everyone had been updated on Jenny, Martha and Alexis. Ryan politely ignored their loving touches until Kate leaned over and kissed Rick to get a drip of his chocolate shake from his lip.

"You two do know I'm sitting here."

Beckett blushed floridly as she leaned back. "Sorry. I forgot that technically I'm at work."

"I wouldn't recommend doing that in front of our boss. She's been known to take a disliking for him. I don't think you're in much of a position to negotiate if she gets offended."

Castle grinned and took another sip off of his shake. "You shouldn't worry about that. We're not hiding, but I'll try to keep the PDA to a minimum. But, it's hard to do." He wiggled his eyebrows at Beckett.

"Dude, you didn't have to go there." Ryan complained while Beckett tried to keep him from noticing the blush creeping into her cheeks by scanning the room. She caught Esposito's eyes as he came in the front door. She motioned for him to come sit with them, but he waved her off and took a seat at the counter.

Ryan and Castle's conversation died when they realized what had happed.

"Rick, let me out of the booth for a sec."

She kissed him on the temple as she sidled past. Carrying her empty glass, she sat next to Espo and ordered a second strawberry shake. She bumped shoulders with the man that still hadn't acknowledged her proximity.

"I sent you a text to invite you to lunch. Didn't you feel like catching up?" She allowed her face to demonstrate the hurt she felt. He turned to look at Castle and Ryan and back to her without saying a word. "Look Espo, I have called, texted and dropped by your apartment yet you keep avoiding me. I thought we were friends, I guess I was mistaken."

She sat quietly waiting for him to respond while waiting on her shake. The server handed her the order and walked away. "When you've figured out that we're friends let me know would you? I don't know anyone else that has been as faithful as you. The bad call on that last one was mine. I know that. I don't blame you for anything that happened that day. But since then is on you." She patted his shoulder and walked off.

She slid into the booth next to Castle and put her head on his shoulder. The three looked each other like someone had died, but knowing that in a way a death would be easier to handle. They sat together in silence for another five minutes.

Castle groaned. "I got this." He went to the counter and got 3 to go boxes. "Let's get back to work. It'll be better than this."

Back at the station, Castle grabbed two white boards and lined them up next to her desk. Beckett tacked up the first photograph and then wrote details: female 18-25 Jane Doe Tattoo removed via blade from shoulder—rose? Carotid cut with serrated 6 inch blade. Died January 10th 1-4am.

She started on case 2. John Doe. 18-25 Shot with .22 at close range behind left ear. Shoes not found. Died February 10th4-8am

Castle pulled out the photographs for case 3. Jane Doe 2 Illegal? Oriental female 50s. Suffocation. Died February 29th 11am and noon.

He also arranged case 4 James Donovan. 53. "Wait, this is interesting. James isn't a he officially. His final surgery to become a man was scheduled for 3 days after his suffocation." He wrote suffocation using tape. Victim was tied to the chair that they were posed in. "Judging by the abrasions around the limbs I would say he was alive when he was posed." Died March 3oth 1-4am.

Beckett chewed on her lip rereading the 5th file. John Davies 17. Possible suicide as he was an OD but the body was posed like the others. She removed the photograph and tacked it to the board. She studied the photographs intently. Something struck her as being off but she couldn't say what it was.

Castle looked up from the 6th file. "Uh, Beckett I think this pattern repeats."

He tacked up the 6th photograph on the 2nd board and began to fill in the details: female 22 Tina DiMarco. Tattoo removed via blade from shoulder-unknown image? Died June 10th 1-4am. Carotid cut with serrated 6 inch blade.

Beckett moved to take the 6th file from him. The two sat together at her desk comparing the contents of the two files. The two women had similar features.

"Kate, I think we might know how to find out who Jane Doe is?" He put the photographs of Jane Doe and DiMarco and lined them up. "Their outfit is identical. Even though it isn't a uniform per se, I think the night club DiMarco worked at may be of use here."

Beckett took a closer look. The vest and pants were identical. The green satin shirts were the same color even though their cut had small changes. "I think it's worth investigating." Glancing down at her watch she raised an eyebrow. "Do we want to go now before the Vatican club opens for the night or wait until tomorrow?"

Kate sighed. She didn't want to wait. They only had one lead. Why wait? She kicked herself for offering to wait because it meant she wanted to please Castle by trying to put their life first. She agreed with the sentiment, but it's easier to think than do it.

"Why don't we try to get an ID and then call it a day? I don't think you would relax for the evening if we didn't."

She gave him one of her secretive smiles that said 'you know me too well.' They cleaned up their files, grabbed their jackets and headed for the elevator.

As the elevator doors closed she waved a tentative goodbye to Ryan and Esposito. Ryan responded. Esposito pretended they weren't there.

"I sent a text to Gates so she knows where we're going." Castle said as he wrapped an arm around her. "He won't be an ass forever. His pride's hurt. Give him some time to realize you're still there for him."

She hugged him tightly. "If he doesn't straighten up in a day or two then I'm going to sic Lanie on him."

Castle laughed at the image of Lanie strangling Esposito in the bullpen.

"I always wondered what happened to bankrupt churches. This isn't how I saw their end." Castle said as he looked around at the stained glass windows that lit up the dance floor. "This seems wrong on so many levels."

They met the club's owner at the bar which is where the altar had once been. Mary still held Jesus post resurrection across her lap above the bottles and glasses.

"John Grayson, owner and operator. What can I do for the thin blue line today?" The owner said sticking out a hand. Castle looked at his knock off designer clothing and wondered if the lighting would keep anyone else from noticing how cheaply he was dressed or maybe that was the look he was going for…either way he wished he were part of the fashion police.

"Detective Kate Beckett. I'm looking into Tina DiMarco's murder; I believe she was an employee?" She asked after having flashed her badge.

He took the offered photograph. "Yes, she worked here for almost two years, but I spoke with some other detectives about her recently."

Beckett nodded. "I know, but I noticed a similarity in how she was dressed to a Jane Doe from January and was wondering if you would look at her to see if you might recognize her."

"Sure. I'd be glad to try to help." He paled when she handed him the photograph. "Crap. I do know her. That's Krissy Jones. She only worked here for two weeks and then disappeared. She seemed fresh off the bus. I always thought maybe she'd gotten smart and went home."

"Can we get any records you have on her so that possibly we can track down a next of kin?"

"My personal assistant will be in tomorrow at noon. Call this number and ask for Josie. She can't get you anything you need." He handed Beckett his business card and began to usher them toward the door.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I'm typing on my husband's desktop as my laptop is still broken. The Geek Squad repaired it. I picked it up and brought it home just in time for the motherboard to decide to bite it...sigh...

The characters are ABC's property the ideas in the stories are mine not theirs but since I don't plan on any profits, I will give AM and the wonderful people who create the show credit for any inspiration I have had.

* * *

Trouble Chapter 7

Beckett started at the murder board for the third day in a row. Unlike the previous two mornings, they don't have any new information to add. Castle sat quietly waiting for her to realize her thumbnail would be coming off is she kept pulling on it like that.

"If the poses of the bodies are all that link the cases, why that pose?"

Beckett rolled her eyes at Castle. "Do we really have to do this conversation again?"

"Kate, I'm just saying that the pose must be significant if we can figure out what it means."

"That could be helpful, but it is just as likely that our killer finds that image appealing as it does that it is an homage to the Thinker."

Rick shook his head. "It can't be that. None of them have their head resting on top of a fist."

She whacked him with a case file. He grinned in response.

"Beckett, I was thinking more that it is reminiscent of a different pose that is from old photographs, but the chest strap and head piece are missing."

She shifted her head to look at him instead of the boards. Quietly, she motioned for him to continue.

"Look at the way they have been positioned in a chair. Their hands are held in place as is their legs. They sit unnaturally straight. I swear this reminds me of electric chair photographs." He pulled up an image from an online database. "See this one. Look at the hands and the feet..."

She stared at the image and then her boards. "So they were executed by someone who felt that they deserved death. This isn't randomly chosen people."

He nodded. "Which that would also mean that the killer is connected to all of them in some way. Now, we have to find how they connect."

She laced his fingers with hers where they sat on the edge of the table looking at the boards. "Why don't we try to link the victims that we have names for and then maybe we can try to get names for the remaining Does?"

"At least you two sound like you have an idea." Gates voice came from behind them. "Has anyone compared them to the missing person's descriptions for NY?"

Beckett nodded. "We've started at it, but it is slow going for those that are possibly illegal. Not only are there no incoming records, no one is willing to step out and report them missing."

Gates grudgingly agreed. "So what do we know about those that we do know who they are?"

Castle knew he should let Beckett answer, but his inner child got the best of him. "Strangely enough, we don't know much about any of them. The interviews done by the 8th were cursory at best. We only know what two of them did for a living and Beckett figured out the second one, it didn't come in our records."

Gates nodded. "These cases were considered low profile and fairly unimportant until their Captain noticed it could be a serial killer, then he was suddenly interested in trading it out so that he didn't look like he had dropped the ball. But, that doesn't mean that I expect you two to continue sticking with their minimal notes. I need you to show the 8th that we can do this better. I don't have to tell you what they 8th found out about the 12th while working Beckett's case. We need something to remind them who we are. Make it happen." With that vague but obvious directive, she left them wondering whose toes they were going to be stepping on.

Castle flipped through the stack of folders and handed one to Beckett. "This is where I think we should start."

"Why is that?"

"I want to know who James Donovan prior to his umm...transitioning? I'm curious if he was murdered for his activities as a man or is it something from his past which would mean our killer knew him well enough to know where he originated as a she."

Beckett nodded. "That's not bad. I think we should start with the Social Security number and work from that. It should be the same after the identity change. Hopefully that will link us elsewhere. His job history wasn't of any use because it only goes as far back as 9 months ago. He became a clerk at a Methodone clinic but it doesn't exist anymore. The file says records pending which is synonymous with we don't know where to look."

She ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

"I'll fix the coffee while you try the number. Maybe we'll have a name by the time I get back."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Castle sticks his head in to see an addition to the board James Donovan/ Dana James. Ex-Military discharged for being a Lesbian. Lived in Greenwich Village for 4 years with Gina Chin.

"I guess that helped." He said handing her the steaming cup.

"Actually, we have an apartment to search. Their landlord said that he hadn't heard from the couple in a long time, but he hasn't done anything because the rent is automatically withdrawn from their bank account. Apparently, this month's payment couldn't be processed from insufficient funds." She grabbed her keys. "Let's go." She said placing a kiss on his cheek while taking her coffee.

* * *

No one answered the third time they knocked. The superintendent of the building unlocked the door for them. "I'm starting the paperwork to evict so let me know if you get to talk to either one of them." He said with a grumble as he stalked off back to his apartment.

Castle turned the knob so that Beckett could enter with her gun drawn. For once, he waited for her to clear it.

"Are you coming?" She hollered through the door.

He slipped in behind her. "One would hope that it would be obvious when I came."

She rolled her eyes.

"Kate, look at this photo." Rick pulled a photograph from a frame on the bookcase as she flipped through the documents on the coffee table.

She looked up as he handed her the frame. In her hands were victims three and four arms wrapped around each other. "I guess we can probably identify vic two now."

"There's got to be a connection to the others two. Think about it. Victims one and six worked together. Victims three land four lived together. I think if we know how to connect the dots, all the victims would know each other." He continued examining photographs as he went down the walls.

Beckett got to the bottom of the stack of paper on the coffee table and picked it up to look at the photographs under its surface.

"Damn." She almost whispered.

"What did you find?"

"Victim two. I'm sure this is him. It looks like a graduation picture with his parents which happen to be victims three and four. But Dana James hasn't become James Donovan yet. Hmm. Look around. Let's see if we can find a tax return, school records or some kind of birth certificate for him. Do you see a filing cabinet or maybe a desk where you might store records?"

After searching for an hour or more, Castle found a small filing cabinet in a walk-in closet. He began flipping through the files trying to find something significant. It wasn't until he reached an accordion file stashed in the back of the bottom drawer before possible answers were floating to the surface.

"Beckett, I think I have something. It's a divorce decree for Dana James. She was married to a Sean Callahan. The couple had two children. Sean Jr. and his younger brother Enda. Dad had custody of both boys."

Beckett put a hand up to cover her mouth. "This isn't going to be good. No matter how this turns out, the 8th is going to be angry."

"Why is that?"

Beckett rolled her eyes in disbelief. "You've never met Lieutenant Callahan have you? He's in charge of Narcotics out of the 8th. Tough guy. He's one of those that there's been rumors that he's a wife beater for years, but no one...and I mean no one goes up against him. I avoid being in the room with him. The man's evil."

Rick stood up and wrapped his arm around her. "I guess its a good thing that you won't have to do it alone."

She gave him her best you've got to be kidding look.

"Gates will eat his lunch before you even ask the first question." He whispered lovingly rubbing his nose with hers. "If he's really that much of a hard ass, I'll be on the other side of the mirror."

She laughed. "My brave warrior, I don't think we have to go about it that way. Either he really doesn't know they're dead which means he neglected to look at the photographs or he is hiding what he knows from his fellow cops. Either way, this may be a task for Gates to handle in her office rather than an interrogation."


	8. Chapter 8

AN: It's official, my laptop's motherboard has died. I will have my laptop functioning and in my hands in another 10 days...SIGH. I will write whenever I can kick my husband off of the desktop long enough for me to do so.

Still don't anything Castle related other than things I have purchased from Amazon...

Trouble Chapter 8

Kate unlocks the door to the loft and holds the door open for Rick. He happily enters with their bags of take-out. She drops her keys in the dish near the door. Kate smiles to herself as she accepts how natural it feels to drop her keys with everyone else. She kicks her boots from her feet. The smile hasn't diminished by the time she turns to see Rick watching her.

Ignoring the pizza on the counter, he takes a few strides to meet her half-way. "How much would it cost me to know what that grin is about?"

She kisses him quickly trying to dodge the question and head for the food, but his arms ensnare her. "Nuh uh. A smiling Beckett has been a rare thing. Granted it's becoming more common, but I still NEED to know what happened between the elevator and this moment to cause this." He pulls her close and kisses her big smile that has grown under his careful inquiry.

"Rick. Seriously. It's nothing and I'm starving." She tried to leave his arms for the food, but she knows...this isn't going to work.

"So, that's how it is." He nuzzles her neck and starts with featherlight kisses that quickly have her mind switching gears. Hunger Yes. Food, not so much.

He slides his hand under the hem of her shirt and strokes her ab muscles lovingly...teasingly sending his hand back down when they touch just below the curve of her breast. He can feel her skin flushing.

"I. uh. I. I was just thinking about my keys."

He bites at her collarbone. "Umm?"

She having trouble coming up with the words to explain what she was thinking "...home...keys...bowl. God, that feels so...hmmmmm."

His hands dart down her abs again and he abruptly pulls away. "See that wasn't so hard was it?"

She stands staring. He didn't just do that, did he? He smirks and grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses. Then grabs the pizza box and heads toward the bedroom.

"Kate. You coming?"

Her legs are shaking with desire and his devil-may-care attitude is killing her. When did our roles get reversed she thinks. Then quickly follows, closing the office door and locking it.

* * *

Kate's spent sweaty body is snuggled into his chest and yet she's still smiling. Rick stares at his ceiling trying to remember when this happened. He found the magic button. He's running the show. He snaps his fingers and she's jumping. He's been hers to toy with for 4 years and suddenly he's no longer the puppet.

"Don't get too used to it."

"What?"

She looks up at him. "We aren't that complicated Rick. I know why you keep silently sniggering. You managed to push my buttons to perfection. I can still play you too. We're just more...even." She smirks.

Happiness shines from her every pore. He knows that they are just finding their rhythm as a couple. "So, I achieved perfection huh?"

Her smile vanished as she pulled away. "Out of that statement, that was all you got out of it. God Castle. You can be so..."

As she turned her back away from him to stand, he whacks her with the nearest pillow. "It's just nice that you finally admit that I get to you out LOUD. For all to hear."

She tosses the pillow back on the bed and scrunches her eyes looking around. "Big crowd. I'm sure they all heard plenty." She giggles pointed moving her arms to demonstrate the vast emptiness of the room.

"There doesn't have to be real witnesses." He gives her his private only for her smile. "The people who need to know heard it. That's all I'm saying."

She took a deep breath as she slid back into bed next to him. He'd scared her for a minute. She scolded herself. She he kept him waiting, needing encouragement for so long. She shouldn't, no she can't withhold telling him how important he is. "Rick?"

"Hmm?"

She lies on top of him so that they are almost nose to nose. "There something I should tell you."

"What's that?"

"I've been dying to be this...uh, what's the word I want...this in tune...No. This open to letting you play me for four years. When I said, 'you have no idea' it took every ounce of strength to walk away. When you said, 'that was amazing' I couldn't help but think I'd never been kissed like that. Ever."

He waited to make sure she was finished. "You had me from the moment you flashed your badge at me at that stupid book signing party. And, it took you months or maybe a year to figure out I wasn't faking. You were never just a fan girl. You couldn't be just another notch in my bed post even if you tried. You are extraordinary."

He knew they were good tears, but they broke his heart just the same.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Ha! I managed to get the computer from my husband two nights in a row. I won't hold my breath on this happening often, but I'm more than happy of taking advantage of this situation.

Still don't own Castle...blah, blah, blah.

Trouble Chapter 9

Rick pours another two fingers of the amber liquid into his glass swirls it slightly and tosses it back. He swivels in his office chair to look out the window. Even the moon seems to know not to shine tonight. He grumbles to himself wishing for the thousandth time in the last five minutes that he knew what the hell had happened. Last night they had taken a huge step closer and by lunch today they weren't even speaking. Yelling yes, speaking no. Not even a little bit.

He closed his eyes to rewind their morning to find that second when he miss stepped.

_Her phone had shattered the early morning silence at 2:30. Apparently the wicked didn't realize that some people prefer to sleep in the wee hours. Kate shot out of bed in seconds leaving him to complain to himself before joining her in the shower. He hadn't whined about the shower being strictly about getting clean and conscious. Her wetness and nakedness called out for attention, but he had refrained. He knew that to make a move would be the wrong thing to do, so he didn't._

_While they waited for Lanie to finish with the body, Castle sought out an open convenience store for coffee._

_He didn't interrupt Kate as she sought out the facts or memorized the scene. He had been good. He had been better than good damn it! _

_But then they arrived at the station. He remembered the feel of her lips in the elevator, holding her hand at her desk before she shook him loose to work. _

_He gave her space to familiarize herself with the details. She had reading to do and she hates it when he hovers while she reads. He wandered over and visited with Ryan. He managed a laugh out of Esposito though he fought it like mad. _

_He went back to think on their other open case hoping that Gates would tell them what she found out through the "proper" channels._

_He looked at John Davies the possible suicide who was posed post-mortem. Flipping through the file and examining the paperwork he noticed details that he hadn't before. Davies had always been victim 5. In the grand scheme the question that mattered most had been does he connect to the other victims. Rick slowly went page by page through his file and the little hairs on the back of his neck began to stand up. Something was wrong. Horribly. He sifted the file again. The information he found didn't make sense. He was listed as being 17, but the body had a small tat from an army unit. Although many people get tattoos, very few are dumb enough to get one that has an emblem marking them as belonging to a group they don't- Especially a group who would get offended._

_He looked through the glass. Kate still busily worked away at her desk. "Hey Espo. Can you come here a minute?" Rick called in someone who would be in the know on this one._

_Castle pointed to the picture of the 5th victim. "That one. Can you tell me if something strikes you as odd about that victim being 17?"_

_Esposito read over the description of who the victim was and then flipped through the few photographs of the body. The first time he examined each picture quickly. But then he returned flipping slowly and stopping at the tat._

"_That dude is either not 17 or his daddy better have been in that regiment. Let me run his face past a friend of mine. I'll get back with you." Esposito took the photograph and left. He didn't just leave the room. He flipped open his phone and left the bullpen heading for the elevators._

_He noticed Kate's desk was empty. He picked up the discarded pile of notes and began to catch up on the case._

"_What're you doing?' she huffed._

"_I'm trying to bring myself up to speed." He answered innocently._

"_Oh, now you're suddenly interested. What was it that caught your interest? Why now Rick?" She asked her anger ramping up with every syllable._

_Flustered, he answers, "I never wasn't interested. I was waiting on you to tell me what you think I need to know."_

_Rick notices Gates pointed glare coming through the glass of her office. "Honey, don't you think you ought to simmer down." he placated her with a whisper._

_She grabs his earlobe and pulls him out of her chair toward the stairs._

"_Rick, go home. I don't have time for this."_

He blew out the breath he had been holding. He picked up his phone to check for missed calls or messages. She still hadn't replied to any of the texts. After being up for 24 hours, Rick decided that this mystery would have to wait for tomorrow. He poured one more glass to numb the pain a little more. He wouldn't say he was drunk, just well on his way to a restful state. He snuggled deep into her side of the bed and slept.

* * *

Kate deleted her text for the fiftieth time. How do you apologize for being angry and taking it out on the nearest victim, the one who won't fight back—the one who thinks he's guilty of something? The one you wronged?

He has proven every day that they have been together that she can trust him, but will he trust her?

_Kate read the preliminary report on her latest victim when a text came through her cell from Josh._

_**Hey. Back from the Congo. I need 5 min. coffee house across the street now?**_

_She looked up to see Rick and Esposito discussing a file. Neither noticed her stand or approach the door. The butterflies in her stomach convinced her it wasn't a good idea to tell him where she was going. Rick might want to come. Josh hated Rick. Rightfully so, Rick had won her heart without even trying._

_When she had walked to the coffee shop he was waiting outside with a dozen roses. "I want to try again Kate." _

_She stood staring. Dumbfounded. "I told you Josh, I'm in love with someone else."_

_He shook his head. "If that's so true, why aren't you with him. Have you even had a date yet? When I left he was seeing a flight attendant. It was all over the news. You can't be so stupid to love such an arrogant ass."_

_Kate bit her lip. "Josh, he isn't who you think he is. And, I live with him." She had known from the start that Josh wasn't going to react well that she and Rick were finally together. But, she didn't think she would be the one to tell him. Sooner or later page 6 would announce it to the world. She had counted herself lucky on that until this moment._

_Josh began to walk away. "If you're so important to him, why has he been hiding you? When was the last time you were photographed on his arm anywhere? I'll tell you when, it was at your mother's memorial fundraiser. I bet he hasn't even offered to take you to any of the benefits he gets invited to go and support. Even the two minute interest the stewardess has been seen with him more than you have."_

Kate had been hurt by the truth in his statement. The only problem was that Josh had it wrong. She had been the one that had been hiding. She didn't want the world to know she was with the infamous Richard Castle. How can you be with someone you love and yet still be embarrassed to be their latest fling in the tabloids?

She shut her computer down for the night and left a note on the Gates' desk that she would be coming in late tomorrow as she had been at work for 24 hours straight. She called a cab and headed home to Castle.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I'm celebrating my last Friday of my summer vacation by writing as the sun is coming up. Hopefully I will have enough to post by the time the family crawls out of bed.

* * *

Trouble Chp 10

Kate entered the darkened bedroom and flipped on the light to bathroom. Rick's snores were muffled by the arm had thrown across his face. She could smell the bourbon. There was no question as to how upset he was—poor guy doesn't even know that her snapping at him had nothing to do with him. She sat on the edge of the bed and removed her boots and her pants. Then, she crawled across the bed to curl into his side. She was used to sleeping on the other side of the bed, but as tired as they were she was afraid to wake him and have the conversation they needed. She flipped the duvet over both of them before she remembered the stupid light in the bathroom. Kate had an arm across his stomach and her head on his chest. Fatigue and comfort are more important than dealing with that light so she left it on.

Alexis hesitated on the stairs. It was after 8am and neither her father nor Kate were making a sound. Then again after watching her father's state deteriorate all evening, is Kate even here?

She stepped into the kitchen and poured a glass of orange juice. If Kate had come in, she had eaten elsewhere. Alexis went to see if her keys were where they belonged. Kate must have come in late. Her key chain sat on the table next to the bowl, but not with the family. Did this mean anything or was she so tired she didn't notice?

Alexis knew this isn't her business really. The are adults. Snooping is wrong. But this is dad. She tiptoed through the office to peak in the open bedroom door.

The knot in Alexis chest loosened immediately. Kate was asleep in her father's arms. Whatever happened yesterday didn't change much. They were together. Alexis smiled and closed the door since Kate or her dad had forgotten to last night.

* * *

Rick came out of his daze slowly. Memories of yesterday plague him until he hears that soft snore. He knows that snore. He flips back the edge of the duvet to find Kate curled up beside him. He roll over so that he can face her and watch her sleep. The relief that she's here is staggering. When he came home alone at lunch he thought that there was more than a distinct probability that she would stay at the station or maybe she would decide to stay with Lanie. But, she chose to come home to him no matter that she was angry with him. He had been so lost in thought about her that he hadn't noticed that for the past few minutes she had been studying him for some clue as to what to say.

She lifted her hand to run a finger down his nose. "I love you." She didn't say anything more for a second. She just wanted to let the words soak in—she needed him to understand.

His eyes watered briefly, but he chose the simplest response. "Ditto."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Ditto? You didn't really just say that did you?"

He shrugged. "I love you too, but I having trouble figuring out why you love me when you couldn't stand the sight of me yesterday."

She choked back the tears and took a deep breath. "Castle. Rick. That was my fault. I felt guilty because of something someone said and instead of talking to you about it I got angry because you hadn't noticed that I left the room."

"I noticed. But, you didn't act like you needed anything so I found something to do. Thirty minutes later you handed me my ass."

She rubbed her eyes with her hands. "Do you know how important to me you are? Do you know what it means to me to be here with you or have you hold my hand at the station?" She sat quietly waiting for him to respond. She moved her hands so that she could look at him again, gauge a reaction.

His forehead wrinkled. His expression could be considered nothing less than quizzical. He started to speak and then pauses. He grabs her closest hand and kisses the open palm. "I am trying to know, but some days it feel like it means everything and then sometimes like yesterday I don't feel like I'm on the radar screen."

She blew out a slow breath. "While I was reading over my file yesterday I got a text from Josh."

Rick tensed as any loving expression left his face.

"I met him at the coffee shop across the street for a few minutes. He was under the impression that I was available and wanted to try again even though I had told him nine months ago that I was in-love with someone else. He knew I chose you. I told him that I was with you. That I lived with you."

She paused trying to decide how to phrase what she had to say next. Rick was listening intently. He didn't look hurt or angry, but tension was coming off of him in waves.

"He belittled our relationship because we hadn't made the tabloids. He threw how many other women you had been thrown on to page 6 with who didn't even matter to you. I couldn't possibly be important to you according to him."

Rick went to interrupt but she silenced him with a finger across is lips.

"Rick I told him the truth that it's my fault that you haven't. I have loved this month of being together but I think it might be time that we stop hiding. Yes, we don't hide at the precinct or to our friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think its time we go out in public. I think its time everyone knows that I'm more than a muse and that you are the life I want to live."

He kissed her finger and then her wrist. "All you had to do was say you were ready."

"I know. Thank you for letting me have some privacy. I still want our lives to be ours, but I don't want to feel like we're a dirty little secret. I never thought of it that way until Josh. He made me realize I'm still hiding. Rick, I haven't been fair to you."

He kissed her. "Do you want to start making it up to me here or in the shower?' He suggestively wiggled his eyebrows at her as he sat up and stretched. "Never mind. I think I'm going to insist on shower. I still smell like bourbon."

She laughed and threw off the remaining section of the duvet."That was actually my choice. I still smell of crime scene and stale coffee." She slipped off the end of the bed and slowly swung her hips tantalizingly heading toward the shower unbuttoning her shirt along the way. He sat dumbfounded watching her exit. A second after she disappeared into the bathroom her shirt took flight and hit him in the face. "Writer boy you are taking too long."

* * *

At one Beckett and Castle arrive on the homicide floor. Things are oddly quiet. Many of the desks are empty which could be due to lunch or something big has happened. Gates steps out of her office. "I need to see the two of you. Get some coffee and come when you are settled in for the day."

"Yes, sir." Beckett replies. The two share baffled glances.

"I'll get the coffee." He says disappearing to the break room.

She drops her jacket on her chair and reads through the messages on her desk.

Esposito has news to share on Davies when he returns from a briefing at the 8th. Ryan left a message saying that he was going with Jenny to see her doctor and would be out all afternoon. Lanie's autopsy results will be ready by 2. As messy as the crime scene was, she said not to get too exited. It's not a homicide. The rest of her messages were inconsequential.

"Anything?"

She shook her head. "We'll know more when Espo returns. God only knows when that will be. Are you ready to see what Gates has for us."

He dutifully follows behind her and enters without more than a nod to Gates.

"I think the two of you know how politically uncomfortable this situation is with Lt. Callahan needing to be questioned. Well, first I made inquiries above his pay grade. He has been out on administrative leave since Christmas. Apparently it was kept quiet because his son Enda committed suicide in early March. The lieutenant wasn't the most stable of human beings prior to that event. The word is that he went on a drinking spree and the department shipped him off to rehab quietly. His Captain is going to visit him with the questions you need answered, but I think what we are going to find is that we get a full confession on three of your cases. I need you two to let me handle this. Now, what can you tell me about the other three murders?"

Beckett shook her head. "Not much. We have names for everyone and we are trying to figure out the connection for the two waitresses deaths. Those two are most likely by one killer. If we eliminate all the ones we suspect Callahan committed and did his own version of a cover up by pinning it to a possible serial killer then we have to go with the theory that killer knew them and it was personal. The suicide, well..."

Castle cleared his throat. "Yesterday I conferred with Esposito on the suicide. Some of the information in the file seemed off. The autopsy said he was 17 but his tattoos suggested that he had been in the military. I suspect that we have a false identification on this kid. Esposito was going to check it out with some of his military contacts and get back with us."

"He left a note that he would catch up with us this afternoon with some news." Beckett reminded him.

Gates eyed the couple. "Okay, keep me informed on any other changes. You're dismissed."

Castle stood up first and opened the door holding it for Beckett. She gave him an eye roll for his efforts.

He turns to her. "Do you want to wait here for Espo or is it time for a trip to see Lanie?"

She smirks. "Do you really have to ask?" They leave the empty coffee cups on her desk and head to the elevator.

* * *

"So, she said it's not a homicide. So what do you think it is?" he asked trying to determine how she wanted to play it in front of Lanie.

"Oh, I don't know. She stepped into him for a brief kiss and wrapped arm behind him. I suspect its a simple case of accidental suicide or random stupidity depending on how you view it."

The doors open and they step out into the hallway keeping pace with one another.

Rick raised an eyebrow leaning down so they were at the same eye level as he swung the door open for her. "No one and I mean absolutely no one self-inflicts around to their cranium on accident."

"Writer boy it's time to shut up. Wait a minute. She thinks I should start calling you writer man, but from that stupid statement I'm stickin' with boy. You see if you look at the hands, the angle of entry and how the gun would have had to be held, this is a prime case of idiocy. My guess is that our victim had attempt to fire, but the round didn't come out and then turned the gun so that he could peer down the barrel. The hammer made contact again, I'm not sure and then we have a dead candidate for the World's Dumbest."

Throughout Lanie's speech Castle sat in rapt attention but Beckett leaned back with a smug grin.

"There were two strike marks on the casing yesterday. I thought that scenario was likely." Beckett said patting him on the butt as she turned to leave.

Lanie turned to stare at the back of Beckett on her way out the door .

"You don't get to cop a feel from your boy and disappear. I'm still waiting for details from you two."

Kate froze in the doorway and then turned to look at Rick realizing her own error. She hadn't meant that affectionate pat to have an audience. She swallowed nervously as she spied the growing grin on his face. "Thanks for asking Lanie, but Kate and I are fine. One step at a time." He winked at her as he came to stand by her in the doorway.

"Hey Lanie, I think a night on the town at Le Cirque might be fun. Do you think you could find someone willing to tag along with the three of us?"

He wasn't sure whose eyes were bigger Kate's or Lanie's. "Umm. Sure Castle. When?"

"I'm thinking maybe Saturday. That should give you three days to find a guy and a dress. Is that good for you?"

She nodded as he grabbed Kate's hand and led her back to the elevator. A stunned silent Beckett is a wondrous and scary thing. He loved it when she pulled the stop button seconds after they got on the elevator. She slammed him against the back wall quickly and launched herself into a kiss. It was frantic and passionate and everything he came to expect from her at home. A minute or two later when she broke their lips apart he breathed out a slow breath.

He looked over at her as they smoothed their clothing back into place.

"Kate?"

"Hmm." she said trying to keep a soft content smile on her face.

"Do we have to work late tonight?"

She was laughing as the door opened to the homicide unit.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: My parents have come to visit to babysit the twins for pre-planning week. Hazards of being a teacher, your summer ends prior to the kids. So, I am writing by sharing the home computer with my husband whenever I get can time when I'm not playing hostess. I will post as I get the opportunity...don't expect much until next weekend. I hope to get 1 or 2 more entries before then, but I'm not holding my breath.

* * *

Trouble Chp 11

Beckett's smile fell immediately upon seeing Esposito seated in Castle's chair. From behind she could see his slumped shoulders and how his head hung lower than it had all week.

She exchanged a concerned glance with Castle before speaking. "Hey Javi. You have info on the case for us?"

He nodded to the conference room where she and Rick had been working their case. "Yeah boss. I've got some information."

He followed her into the room. Castle shut the door behind them.

"The vics name isn't Davies and he isn't 17. John Russell was only in the military 2 years before being honorably discharged. He was a narc in Lt. Callahan's unit. From all the whispers I've heard in the hallway I suspect you can guess what most people are assuming." She nodded.

"I think we need to share this with Gates soon." Castle said trying to sound helpful, but he grew more worried the darker the expression on Espo's face got.

"Beck. I wasn't around this morning because I was called to the 8th." He let his words sink in slowly. "They had a lot of questions to ask. They didn't come out and say it, but I'm fairly certain that they know about Montgomery's involvement. I didn't push to find out what they plan on doing about it. I didn't want to raise any flags that weren't already raised."

She blew out a slow breath as she lowered her suddenly fatigued body into a chair. "What else did they ask about?"

Javi sighed. "Mainly they wanted to know about what I knew about Smith which was nothing. But, from what they said your boy there knows plenty."

He shot an angry look at Castle.

She nodded. "I already know about that from him." she whispered. She didn't want Javi thinking that Rick would withhold information from her. Yes, he had done that before but they have both learned from mistakes. And, she wasn't about to tell Javi how long he let her stay in ignorance.

Esposito's face lightened a fraction. "There's one other thing both of you should know Maddox is still in town. The team has found evidence that he follows you periodically—mainly when you are obviously doing some kind of case work."

Rick visibly whitened as she watched him.

"I expected that." Kate said with a small smile at Rick. "We have a deal. He's just making sure I honor it. I don't suppose he will be doing this forever, but I've a feeling that I will have a shadow now and again for longer than I'd like."

Javi's temper began to show on on his face. "Doesn't that bother you? Do you want to know that he's gunning for you daily?'

"No, I don't." She came right back at him. "But the fact is I can't investigate him but I can keep him watching me so that the 8th can. I'm not going to take chances, but I'm not hiding either."

She stood up and began to pace. "Rick and I have known he was there for sure ever since the shot at the loft entrance. We don't like it, but we have to play by their rules or someone dies. I'd rather that not happen." She blew out a frustrated breath and dropped her forehead to the glass window. She could see Maddox leaning against the wall on the other side of the street. Their eyes met across the distance. She gave a cursory nod before turning away. She knew that the price was high, but the 8th would come through if she could just stay out of it.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Same as the other day…

Trouble Chp 12

Rick's soft snores kept her anchored to her spot in the bed, but sleep did not come. Insomnia had been a dear friend to Kate for close to a decade now, but without her own space she no longer knew what to do with the time. Her mind gravitated back to her mother's case like it was the antidote to what ails her. She knew it wasn't it in her head, but the child inside her disagreed even now. She may have sounded fairly content with the current arrangement to Javi, but she had faked it. Even worse is that Rick could read the disturbance in her calm—she wasn't finished, just taking the scenic route. The 8th could finish the investigation she started; she had faith yet she felt like it highlighted her inadequacy to rise to the challenge. Her mother's killer should be brought down by her not some lackluster badge that happened to fall into one of the largest cases to ever be investigated in the city of New York.

She sighed. In her mind Kate knew that this was the right path. She couldn't stay alive and chase the dragon any longer. But in moments like these it didn't feel like enough. She slipped out of bed. As late as it was she felt that panties and his shirt would be enough to wear to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water.

"Darling, if you're still awake water is hardly what you need?" Martha kicked off her shoes and removed her coat.

Kate smiled and shaking her head in disbelief. "It must have been some night." Kate pointedly looked at the clock shining from the kitchen. It was just after two.

"No kiddo, if it had been that kind of night I wouldn't be here. The problem with graydar is that many of them seem like fun until you get them home. Viagra can work miracles to a point, but isn't Jesus Christ. It can't raise the dead."

Although Kate tried desperately, she couldn't prevent the laughter from erupting.

"Grab two wine glasses would you dear?" Martha directed as she found the bottle she was after. Martha pulled the cork and poured them both generous glasses. "Can I assume you only get to imbibe one as duty may call?"

"Yes."

"Let's chat for a while. I'm bringing the bottle to keep me company."

Kate followed Martha over to the sofa. Although Kate had been living here for weeks, she and Martha hadn't had any time to discuss the current arrangement. Rick or Alexis had always been a buffer which left Kate reticent. Kate took a long sip of her wine mulling over her situation.

"Is your mother's case weighing heavily again?" Martha asked in a desperate whisper.

Kate eyes instantly filled with tears. "Yes." Wiping sheepishly at her eyes, "Sometimes it's easier to stay out of it than others. I can't honestly say why I can't quit thinking about it tonight but yet I didn't spend much time on it at all last week. I just want the case to be finished—the bad guys get caught. I want to not need to think about it anymore. I've spent too many years chasing after ghosts."

Martha pondered her words. "Maybe the key is to find something else to chase. It might be that you enjoy pursuit. I've always found it rather thrilling." Martha gave her a playful wink.

"I suppose that is true, but I've found that switching gears isn't so easy. And Rick has been great, but sooner or later he will get tired of my fidgeting, pacing and need to control most situations."

Martha shook her head. "To be young and foolish again. Kate, he hasn't grown tired of it in four years. My son has tolerated watching you pursue a relationship with someone else and putting him off until you felt you had healed so you shouldn't have to worry much on his account. Not to mention, it appears when you are here that you aren't in control nor or are you demanding to be."

Kate finished her glass of wine. She glanced at the clock feeling the hour of three looming. "I suppose I should attempt to sleep even if it's only for a few hours." She patted Martha on the knee as she stood to take her glass to the kitchen.

"You know where I am if the sandman doesn't visit." Martha said giving her a polite goodnight wave.

* * *

Kate crept into the darkened room. She heard him rollover.

"Hey." He said softly hoping she didn't feel the need to sequester herself further. He worried that these quiet moments by herself wouldn't overtake their delicate balance.

"Hi." She lowered her body onto the bed next to him. She ensnared his hand and rolled on her side so that his torso touched her back. She guided the same hand to her face allowing her lips to brush his knuckles.

He squeezed her tightly to his chest. "Where have you been hiding with all thoughts banging around in your head?'

She slowly turned to kiss him. "I wasn't hiding. I was talking to your mother." She laughed a little before kissing him again. "Don't ask her how her date was-the question receives far more detail than I was prepared for at the moment."

Rick rubbed her back lightly. "I was afraid it was more than that."

"It almost was, maybe. I don't know. I'm trying." She rolled over and buried her face in his neck. "Rick, I love you even when I don't show it very well."


	13. Chapter 13

AN: After 5 weeks of my computer with the GeekSquad they have determined that not only was the mother board bad but that ASUS was uninterested in honoring their warranty. The Geeks refunded my money and I now own a lovely new Dell that runs infinitely better...but I lost my copy of WORD on the other computer. Complications... All that being said, I want to thank you for your patience as I suffered through laptop withdrawals and had to share my computer with my hubby. He isn't very good at sharing and I hate using his computer. It feels wrong.

* * *

Trouble Chp 13

For the last few days Rick had watched Kate struggle with staying out of her mother's case. When they questioned Esposito it opened an avenue. For an experienced detective like Kate, determining what they did and didn't know required very little effort. At first she actively ignored the temptation through solving the remaining case they had. Once she was focused it took less than a day for Kate to prove it was the club owner. His motive was simple. These women had chosen someone instead of him. His pride ruled. But then she had too much time and Rick had meetings with Paula. He had known better than to leave her at work with only paper work to keep her busy.

Rick sat on the park bench watching the pigeons. His fingers clawed through his hair in frustration for the thousandth time. He hadn't meant to start the fight, but then again he had trusted her.

* * *

_Two hours earlier_

"_I don't know Rick. Why don't you tell you paid off someone at the 8th to inform on me if I visited?"_

_Rick sat down by the table in the conference room. "Do you really think I'd do that?"_

_Her deadly stare didn't flinch as she lowered herself so that her nose was inches from his. "If you had asked me yesterday I would have doubted it, but if you didn't than how did you know where I was?"_

"_Gee Kate. I don't know. Who would call me worried when they spotted you in a building they knew you didn't belong in. Who cares enough about you to know that I can call you off or at least I might?"_

_She shoved his chair backwards as she stood up. "If I want to share what I know with an ongoing investigation it shouldn't concern you. I'm not investigating."_

_He shook his head disbelieving she'd tried this line of reasoning. "So, when you went on a ride along with them to look at a possible connection they just happened to invite you along? Two of the most well respected flat-footed misogynistic detectives to ever put heel to pavement invited you to help. I sincerely doubt that. Did you even notice the bullets being fired at the window of the car were only on your window? Did you not think they were watching? Damn it!"_

_He stood up and began to pace. Her anger escalated with his. "You don't own me Rick."_

"_No, I don't believe that for instant." He glanced out the window only to spot Kate's erstwhile shadow sipping a coffee across the street. He pointed out the window. "But if I know where you've been so does he. The next bullet Kate. What about the next one? Will it be the one they mean?"_

_Her phone rang. ""Beckett. I'll be right there." She closed her phone and addressed him in a near whisper. "I've a job to do. Do what you want." _

* * *

Present

Rick finished his bottled water and stood. He knew she had expected he would follow her to the crime scene, but he just couldn't do that right now. He felt the cross-hairs hanging in the air constantly. As much as he loved her, he couldn't watch that again.

He walked within five feet of the trash bin an attempted to score by arcing the ball at the rim. He let out a vigorous sigh as it bounced off. He retrieved the bottle and dropped it. "Traitorous plastic!" he grumbled.

He felt the icy pierce of the metal glide beneath his rib. "Sometimes she's a slow learner. It's a shame it had to come to this." He clutched at the blinding pain feeling the hot liquid flow through his fingers.

Rick never saw the man but he felt him lower him face down to the ground. He felt his phone be removed from his pocket. He heard the stranger dial 911 on his cell. "The owner of this phone is bleeding out. I suggest you dispatch emergency assistance."

He strained to maintain consciousness as he heard the departing footsteps. He barely registered the arrival of the ambulance.

Beckett leaned against a patrol car waiting for the all clear to do another sweep through the scene. When she noticed Gates making her way over to her.

"Detective, I'm taking over the scene."

Beckett's protest died on her lips when she saw the strained sadness in the Captain's demeanor. "Feel free to use your sirens on your way out of here, but right now you need to get moving to Presbyterian Hospital."

Beckett stood gawking. Confusion melted into concern . "What's happened?"

Gates shook her head. "You need to get there now. His stabbing was called in 20 minutes ago. I don't know any more than that." Beckett turned to start a quick march to her car.

"Beckett?"

"Call me when you know something."

She nodded.

Panic gripped her stomach as she raced through the streets. After she parked and left the parking deck, the vultures from the press circled mercilessly. "Out of my way please. No, I have nothing to report. I probably know less than you do. Now move." She answered their questions while shoving her way to the door.

* * *

AN: I'm sorry, but I will have to finish this later. Too tired to write in complete sentences...I'll post this tonight and add on early in the weekend.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: It's been a strange first week at school. A faculty member died on day 2—actually the first day of school late at night. Sleep hasn't been my friend. Insomnia has been spending quality time with me however I wish he would leave his friend brainlessness somewhere else. At least I could write instead of resting if he would concede.

PS. Yes, you will need suspension of disbelief a little more in this installment than most. I created an ability that I know exists but isn't this fine tuned yet.

* * *

Trouble chp 14

Kate hurried through the back corridor following the instructions she was given. After seeing the press crowded at the elevator's lobby, she chose the stairs. The lighting was bad and she could smell stale smoke where some of the workers in the hospital had been hiding for their nicotine fix. She had managed to not be skewered through the heart by the press' demanding questions at the door, but she didn't think she had it in her to wait for the elevator while withstanding a second onslaught of questions.

Her stride ate up the distance between the first and fourth floors as her anxiety built with each step. When she came upon the landing, she steeled her nerves with a few deep breaths and prepared to open the door.

She knew that click anywhere anytime.

The unmistakeable sound of a round chambering echoed less than a four feet behind her. She hadn't noticed the figure crouching on the stairs above her. As soon as she spied the boots, she knew it wasn't him. Cole Maddox wouldn't stage her demise on a stairwell in a hospital. Someone else had joined the fight. Nor would he have used a gun in such an enclosed place—this one's not as professional.

"Step away from the door detective nice and slow." His effeminate voice contrasted with his Olympian physique. "Now, reach in for your service piece and gently place it on the floor."

Beckett growled slightly as she dropped her left knee to the floor and removed her side arm. The care that she gave her Sig should have been an indicator that her fear was contained. She wasn't helpless. She knew he couldn't and wouldn't win even if she had been foolish enough to ignore her surroundings for a moment.

On he left knee staring the perp in the face, Kate's anger seeped through her veins feeding her tired limbs. She hoped to manage a quick distraction. The .22 at her ankle wouldn't kill instantly but she might be able to get the upper hand. She turned her attention to the floor evaluating her options.

She heard the door fly open behind her as the figure in front of her sprouted a large red cascade dripping down his forehead. His look of confusing fading just before he began diving rapidly down the stairs to her feet. A wave of SWAT team members came down the stairs from above as Kate turned to thank her rescuer. One of the aging officers from the 8th stood over her. Normally she would have found this position annoying, but at this moment it was oddly comforting to have a father figure at her back.

"Let me give you a hand up detective."He offered his hand as she stood.

She didn't need his assistance but she remembered something her father had said last summer. _"When __you get to be my age Katie you'll appreciate when someone younger than you needs your assistance and not the other way around."_

"Thanks."She dusted her knees off and holstered her weapon. She knew that she would be expected to be whisked away to paperwork and questions, but she wasn't prepared for that. She wouldn't be leaving here without the knowledge that he would be okay. With her argument prepared she turned to face her savior.

The older officer grinned at her and shook his head at the challenging stare she gave him. He patted her on the back. "You're looking for the third door on the left. That's the family waiting room. The Castle clan is already there waiting."

Kate wasn't a fool. If she didn't hustle someone else would direct her to work. She turned to go but he called out.

"By the way detective, you can share with them that Mr. Maddox had an untimely death as did the assailant. Senator McCarthy that was behind all this committed suicide a few hours ago. Someone from the press had tipped him off that someone was about to pull a Woodward & Bernstein on his ass. Your case is as closed as it will ever be."

* * *

Her knees refused to support her weight as she walked down the hall holding on to the rail. She released a breath she hadn't known she was holding as she pushed past the swinging doors to enter the waiting room. The clenching in her chest should be subsiding but until she had news on how Rick was doing, she couldn't let the fear go.

She quickly covered the linoleum between the doors and the waiting room. Martha and Alexis sat holding hands and staring into space.

Kate slowed her steps entering the room quietly not sure if she should disturb their thoughts or hug them hello. The blame for his stabbing couldn't be denied. She knew this was on her like o so many other offenses.

Martha stood and embraced Kate before fear ripped to deeply into her heart. It took only seconds to come to the realization that the only person playing the blame game was her. Alexis squeezed into the hug to join the other two women.

Martha spoke first. "I'm so glad they were able to find you at the crime scene. I couldn't get you on your cell. We're waiting on another update but our last word was that Richard had lost a lot of blood but the knife wound though deep wasn't life threatening except for the loss of blood. They were working hard to close up all the damage."

The worry and doubt on Alexis' face destroyed any chance that Kate could allow herself to be anything but contrite."I'm sorry I wasn't able to be here earlier. Gates came to my scene to tell me personally."She reached into her pocket to find her cell which mysteriously was drained of its charge. Her brows furrowed as she distinctly remembered removing it fully charged from its base this morning. Then Kate paused and took a deep breath. "When did they notify you?"

Martha and Alexis stared at her. She knew they were concerned that Kate might be annoyed that she was the last to know. They were wrong though. Kate had a feeling she knew how her phone's charge left. If you block the signal the battery drains attempting to find a tower. She even knew that Ryan among others knew how to block specific phones.

"Darling I'm sure they told you as soon as they could locate you."

Kate shook her head. "That's not it. When, I mean what time did they tell you?"

Alexis exasperatedly said, "It's only been an hour or so maybe two."

Nothing could have prepared the women for Kate's reaction. "That Bitch! She set me up." Kate's voice sounded more then angry. But both women gawked at her as if she were streaking down Broadway in her birthday suit.

* * *

Kate paced up and down the room for a second thinking Gates had to have known what was happening. She sent her to the wolves without any warning. Her smile grew cold as Gates crossed the threshold.

Gates cleared her throat. "Detective Beckett, I need a minute."

Kate glared at the captain. "Anything you have to say, they can hear. Castle's family has as much right to hear what you have to say as I do."

The nod Gates gave was grudging at best. "The 8th had notified me some time ago about Senator McCarthy. What we didn't know is that Castle's deep throat had fail safe plans that if he died the information would be safely handed to the media rather than the police. Smith had come to the realization that law enforcement in general had too many that could be bought off with promotions or money. A contact with the Times let us know about the impending article slated for tomorrow morning. Apparently McCarthy knew about it too. He took his own life rather than face the consequences. Maddox killed the man that stabbed Castle. He was found in the bushes only yards from where the ambulance picked up Rick."

The captain paused to let that news sink in. "We haven't been able to determine who it was but, Maddox was being brought in by our people when a lone sniper took him out in traffic. We found the transponder in his boot that gave away his location. The rounds used were police issue, but according to our records they should be still in a box on a shelf at the SWAT training facility. There are still some men involved in McCarthy's organization that we haven't found. We might not ever be able to get them all. But, the leader is gone."

Beckett shook her head. "You let me be the bait to draw some more of them out of hiding. The man that attacked me in the stairwell, he was a cop wasn't he?"

Gates' eyes hammered into Beckett's. "If I'd told you that you were the bait we wouldn't have been able to draw him out. Your focus on Castle gave him the edge which gave us a target...bait. Don't expect me to apologize because I'm not going to do it."

Beckett looked at the floor. "I didn't expect that you would. I was caught off guard by it. It isn't something Internal Affairs would normally agree to doing."

"Beckett, just because you and your boy are well known for going rogue, doesn't mean the rest of us don't have it in us." Gates stood to leave. "Some of us know when to do it and when to go by the book. Keep me posted on how writer boy is doing. I'll expect to see you at work in 72 hours, but not before."

* * *

Kate let her head fall back against the wall. She let the silence envelope her. She knew she should be offer some consolation to his family but at this moment she didn't have any to give. She didn't know how or when it happened but she found herself crying into Martha's lap. Martha stroked her hair quietly while Alexis held her hand. This was not who Kate Beckett wanted to be for them or herself.

More than an hour later when Kate had regained some composure but hadn't recovered her dignity,the doctor came into the silent waiting room. The three women were sandwiched together on the one couch in the room. They had long ago abandoned the uncomfortable chairs. Although Alexis had wished for the distraction of other families waiting, Kate and Martha had been glad to have these long minutes with just the three of them sharing their worries.

"Ladies, he's resting comfortably now. When he wakes we can let you see him for a few minutes."

The three thanked him quietly but none of them moved.

Martha turned to Kate. "We need to quit having family bonding moments at the hospital unless of course you plan on giving me another grandchild." She winked at her teasingly as she stood. "This room hasn't been redecorated since we were here last year. Maybe we should donate some tasteful comfortable chairs or something. We spend altogether too much time in here waiting for those that we love to be saved."

Alexis squeezed Kate's hand. The message was received loud and clear. This was hard them when it had been her as well. She had been family even that year she pretended she wasn't. Kate clutched the girl's hand between both of hers. "I don't know about the rest of us, but I think Rick and I would definitely agree to try avoiding hospitals.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Having changed teaching jobs this year, I haven't had near the time to spend doing my own writing as I had last year. I think weekly updates are about the most I can expect for a while. Thanks for reading.

I still don't own anything...

* * *

Trouble Chp 15

Martha watched Kate chew at her lower lip and pace. If someone had asked her a year ago if Kate Beckett loved her son she would have said maybe. If they had asked two months ago she would have laughed, said not hardly, and walked away; but here she was distressed more than his own mother.

The doctor had been very reassuring. All of his news had been positive, but Kate needed to see him—to know that he survived. Martha marveled at the miracle before her. Kate doesn't let people in; she takes care of those she loves, but she only loves to a certain depth and then she lets you go. At least that is what she believed to be true until now. Kate ignored the remains of her most important investigation to wait here with them, to wait for Richard who wasn't fighting for his life. Honestly, he had lost a lot of blood but the killer had ensured that he'd live with that one phone call.

As Kate pivoted for her next orbit around the small waiting room Martha held out her hand as an offering. Would she accept comfort or continue to wear off what little wax remained on the floor? "Come on kiddo, you and my son spend too much shadowboxing with your decisions when you're in the waiting room."

Kate shocked both the Castles by accepting the warmth of the hand. She allowed Martha to pull her into the spot beside her on the couch. Kate couldn't stand the silence of the room. She wished their were others waiting for their loved ones only that would mean someone else's fate would be desperately fighting the odds to survive. Lanie would have come if work hadn't been a necessity. She closed her eyes and felt ridiculous using one of Burke's calming techniques. No matter how many times she closed her eyes to think of a safe place her thoughts returned to the man on the operating table—in her place. His arms had become that safe place; would they still be tomorrow?

Alexis stared at the fissures appearing in Beckett's facade. "Is this your fault? Did he get stabbed for your case?"

Kate couldn't respond. She opened her mouth, but only sobs broke through.

Alexis had intended to prove to her grandmother that Beckett was selfishly using her father—love wasn't part of that relationship. Alexis had achieved a success of sorts; she had changed her own mind. The devastation reflected in Beckett's eyes made Alexis see that she had maintained a skewed view of her. If her mother's case had, in fact, been more important than everything else she would be down at the 8th butting into the end of the case.

Beckett cleared her throat. She paused to try to put her words in order, to make sense of a mistake that led them here.

"Your right. This is my fault. If I'd stayed away from the 8th and refused the ride-along we wouldn't be sitting here. And, Rick. He wouldn't be...he would still be okay." Kate stood and pulled her fingers from Martha's. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here."

Kate forced her feet to move. She grabbed for her coat on the way out the door. She kept her pace steady as she headed for the nurses' she left a message for them to call her when he could have visitors and returned to the stairwell. She made it as far as the first landing before the tears prevented her from traveling further. She slid down the wall into the corner. Despite all her efforts, the downpour continued.

* * *

Kate was trapped she couldn't stand the thought of leaving him here, but she believed she didn't deserve to be or with him for that matter. When she was able, she would explain as best she could and leave. She wouldn't just leave him, but this life. She owed it to everyone to leave behind all the things that had brought her to the happiest place she had ever been. She deliberated her options crouched on the darkened stair. Where should she go from here? The case was solved, Rick hurt, and the love they had she had neglected it to the point she knew she had no right to him any longer. Kate couldn't stop the tears and her legs refused to allow her to stand.

Most people who've been to the darkest places in their hearts say that you don't know you've hit the bottom until you start clawing your way back out. Kate knew how wrong that was. With all the strength she retained she closed her eyes and forced her breaths to a slow steady rhythm. After she had managed to reign in the tears, she noticed the tremor in her hands.

"Staring at them won't stop the shaking, will it?"

"No." Kate answered Alexis but didn't bother looking up. She'd given the girl enough to hate her for, her own weakness didn't need to be added to the list.

"Dad's in recovery now. He'll be awake soon."

Kate simply nodded. She expected the girl to leave her there to her thoughts. Alexis walked over to Kate and allowed gravity to slide her down the wall until she was shoulder to shoulder with Kate.

"I believe this phone is yours."

Kate took the phone and made sure it was still off. "Thanks."

"Don't you need to check your messages?"

Kate shook her head. "The only voice I care to hear right now won't be calling."

Alexis understood the implication, but she had one final question. "Is this, the Kate that I'm seeing now is she, the reason for the Klonopin and Xanax dad has in the medicine cabinet?"

Kate's eyes widened. "Yes. And, I wish I had brought them with me today. My hands are shaking because of the situation. It doesn't fix it, but it takes some of the edge off. I can be more reasonable...almost myself."

Alexis took Kate's hand that was nearest to her. "I won't say that I was wrong, but I think that maybe Gram was right. You aren't the same person I sat in that waiting room praying over last year. And, you do really love my dad even if your attempts to protect him have been less than successful. I'm willing to bet you've been down here trying to find a way to leave without destroying him."

Kate didn't give her thoughts away. Alexis had her dead to rights—that didn't mean she had to confirm it.

"Just in case you're being that foolish, let me remind you that the two of you can't function without the other. His heart stopped beating last summer when you left—I bet you didn't feel like you could breathe until he was back in your life. Did you?"

The right corner of Kate's lips involuntarily lifted. "I didn't know how large the hole in my heart was until I waited in line for him to sign my book. I had been walking down the sidewalk when I saw the announcement that he would have a reading followed by a signing. I happened on the scene five minutes into it. I watched him go through the motions with more than a hundred women and not once did his sparkle. There were no quips or stories being shared. He came, he read, and he signed. I don't think he noticed we were individuals until I stood before him. It took all the energy I had to speak to him. The pain he masked for everyone else floated to the surface instantly. I wanted to kiss it away, erase it, but I had nothing to offer him and I knew it. I wasn't willing to follow through with him until I believed I could return his love without destroying him. Yet, here I sit. I did it. His demise, well almost, is my fault. I can't do this to him."

Alexis nodded, "You really are as stupid as he is aren't you? He would have died if it were you back on that table. He obsesses over where you're going, what you're doing? Are you happy? He needs you Kate just as much as you need him. If you doubt that you need him then answer me this, why are you sitting crying on a darkened stairwell?"

A beep broke the silence. "We can see dad now. Come on." Alexis stood up and took Kate's hand with her, not relinquishing her hold at all. "I shouldn't have said what I did to you earlier. I was out of line. For that, I'm sorry."

* * *

An emotionally fractured Kate allowed Alexis to lead her down the hallway and into her father's room.

She stood in the doorway, the rhythmic beeping of the monitors prevented her from hearing what Martha whispered to her son.

She stepped away from the bed, "He's barely awake, but he wants to see you." Martha attempted to get Alexis to allow Kate to approach alone, but Kate's grip tightened bringing his daughter with her. With her free hand Kate straightened his hair. His eyes fluttered open for a moment.

"Favorite women. Hmm." He fought the fatigue from the sedatives.

"Rick. I love you." She whispered realizing his fight was lost.

"Love you. Too tired. Stay with me."


	16. Chapter 16

AN: I still don't own any rights to Castle...I hope everyone that reads is enjoying it. I apologize for not editing better.

Trouble Chp. 16

* * *

Kate opened the loft doors to an eerie quiet. Home should never be this silent. Alexis had moved out to go to school and was rarely here, Martha was doing whatever it is that she does, but Rick should be here. He's only been out of the hospital a few days.

Kate sat her keys in the bowl by the door and unzipped her boots. She checked the time. 7:15pm. Guilt flooded her sense as she realized she had promised to be home before 6:30 which she would have been if traffic had cooperated. She pulled her phone from her pocket. No messages.

She walked past the couch to Rick's office before she heard a muffled groan coming from his bedroom. She pushed the door open and couldn't make out his form in the dim lighting. She slid the light control higher increasing her visibility.

"Rick are you okay?" she asked half in panic. She could see the bottom of one foot that was propped on the bed and one hand. She walked to the far side of the bed to see Rick handcuffed to the bed by his left. His right held tightly to his injured side as he breathed in shallowly fighting pain. She dropped to her knees to help him and then she saw it. The glimmer of a key shimmered at the edge of the bed several inches beyond his grasp.

Without saying anything, Kate's nimble fingers snatched the key off the carpet and she then skillfully let him out of his cuffs with a well practiced move.

She helped him onto the bed while he fought to get his breathing regulated. A smirk began to grow on her face once she realized he hadn't been in any real danger.

He panted out, "I'm going to kill my mother."

"What happened?" Kate couldn't prevent herself from looking alarmed.

"I was feeling so much better so I told her that I was going to take a short nap and then walk down to Antonio's to pick up dinner. She said I wasn't strong enough. But, I came to rest to prove her wrong."

He shook his head angrily. "I woke up cuffed to my bed. She had left the key on the edge of the night stand just of reach. I tried to grab it with my toes...I fell off the bed and couldn't get up."

Kate controlled her laughter as her fear seeped from her bones. "You mother has gotten creative with how she makes you behave."

Rick's lips curled. "She's toned it down in her later years. Once, when I was in high school, she added itching powder to my shampoo to prevent me from coming to opening night of one of her shows. Apparently I had been too friendly to her young costar and it made her concerned for the show. I had to shave my head to make the itching stop."

She curled next to him on the bed and lay her head on his chest. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"You think that's bad; I had a date with her producer's daughter. Before I left for the evening she had fixed brownies for me as a snack to hold me over until she and I were out together. I will admit I had the reputation already; and, her daddy was not pleased with me taking her out. But, I couldn't even leave the toilet at the restaurant for the better part of the hour. My date ended up leaving with one of my friends from school and they called my mother to come get me. Do you know how humiliating it is for a junior in high school to have a date end early because he has the shits?"

Kate's giggles couldn't be stifled any longer. They erupted like fresh popcorn from from an air popper—light and fluffy.

"Your mother loves you. She wouldn't harm you."

Ï can assure you there is a grave distance between humiliation and harm." He laughed with her thankful that her spirits remained light. She had spent the afternoon in Burke's office dealing with the events at the hospital. Kate had tried not to worry him with her frightening sense of guilt over the events of that day, but after much cajoling she agreed that talking with Burke would be a step in the correct direction.

Rick palmed her cheek and turned her face so he could see her eyes. "How's your head?"

"Does it look any smaller?" she quipped trying not to allow her lightness vanish. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and chewed. "Burke thinks that I don't balance our time well enough. Basically he thinks that I spend so much time doing work and then feel guilty when I'm not here with you that I don't allow myself any downtime for me."

Rick watched her face as she spoke. He could plainly see the truth in Burke's words. "Kate, what would you like to do to have more time alone?"

"I don't want to be alone."

Rick kissed her lightly. "Everyone needs some time alone with their thoughts. I go into my office and write when I need to process things. What can we do for you?"

Kate tore her eyes from his and cuddled back into his chest. She softly whispered, "I don't know. I thought I had enough in between going for my runs and working alone at the precinct every few nights."

Rick comforted her slowly stroking her back. "Do you want to resume apartment hunting?" There he had said it. He had asked the question that scared him almost as much as the sniper had.

He waited for her response. Patience is not what Rick Castle was made for, but for her he could wait forever—well, at least four years.

She put one hand flat on his chest and turned so that her chin was propped on it. She watched his internal struggle reflecting through his eyes. "No, I don't want that." She paused and squeezed her eyes shut. She continued in little more than a whisper. "I think I want to have a schedule for us where I have a few hours every weekend that are mine to either read in a chair, take a walk, go see dad or hang with Lanie."

Rick's eyebrows wrinkled. "What's keeping you from doing that?"

Kate didn't answer. He could read the truth in her eyes. His incessant need to take her places and show her his world and prevented that.

He stroked her cheek with his fingers. "I've been crowding you, haven't I?"

Tears flowed down her cheeks. "No." She said even though both knew the opposite to be true. She wanted her words to be real. And, he knew it.

"I don't think weekends are going to work Kate."

The terror rolling across her face couldn't be denied.

"I think I have another solution that might work better." He used one of his fingers to wipe away a tear that escaped down her nose.

"I'm listening." She responded restraining her emotions as much as she could.

He cupped her cheek again letting his warmth sooth her. "Why don't we try giving you an hour to yourself every day. You can have it in the morning or evening your choice. And, it doesn't have to be now. But, I was thinking why don't I stay in bed while you head out for your run. You can have that time, and then soak in the shower and enjoy your first cup of coffee without me. If you feel like having company then, wake me. If not I will join you at the station when I wake up. On the days when we are called out before God wakes, when we get home we'll cook dinner and then you can go soak that luscious body in a warm bath as long as you like."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sometimes I might join you in the tub if you seem to be in need of attention or if you want me to read to you."

She smiled sadly at him. "I don't want to need this."

"Kate, everyone needs time of their own. You might need more than some people and less than others but the important thing is that you take the time you need when you need it. You aren't making me give up."

"Castle, are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

Her stomach growled loudly. "Okay. We can try that. So dinner."

"Dinner. What do you want to cook?"

She heard the knock at the door and quickly left the bed.

"Castle, we aren't cooking. That's our pizza at the front door."

He painfully lifts onto the elbow of his good side. "When did you order pizza?"

"I ordered while waiting on our elevator."

He sat up slowly. "So what am I going to do to distract me after dinner? I won't have very many dishes."

The pout in his voice warms her heart. She turns to him and winks. "You have a lot to wash starting with my back. I was alone for hours today." She licks her lower lip and gives him a heated look. "Isn't today the day he cleared you for more strenuous activity?"

His step quickened as did his heart heading for the door. He opened and noticed she stood in the kitchen working at the buttons at her shirt. He stood stunned with the pizza box in hand.

"Pay the man Castle. You've got your work cut out for you."


End file.
